When my father, Odysseus, and his men sailed off to the Trojan War, they were confident their gods favored a quick victory. Instead, the siege of Troy lasted ten years. After Troy fell, the survivors made their way home to Sparta, Mycenae, Pylos, and elsewhere in the ancient Peloponnese. Neither my father nor any of his troops arrived home with the rest. We waited for years as the news grew worse. Odysseus was dead, we were told,or imprisoned, or, worst yet, he had married another woman and abandoned my mother Penelope, my brother Telemachus, and me.


If he is alive somewhere, his thoughts may wander to Penelope and Telemachus, but he won’t be thinking of me. I am the daughter he doesn’t know exists. Odysseus went off to the Trojan War when his son, Telemachus, was barely old enough to walk. His wife, Penelope, was a teenage bride, and is now a young wife, mother, and queen who has to try to rule Ithaca without him.


I was born seven months after he left. I am a hero’s daughter and a princess of his realm, but I have lived my entire life without a father. I’m nineteen now, and still waiting.


All over the world, and throughout history children grow up as I have. This website will focus on the children of those men and women who have gone off to fight America's wars, and provide information and resources for all who care about military families and want to help.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Love From a Distance


The National Fatherhood Initiative recently posted a good article outlining a number of ideas for ways a deployed parent can stay close to his or her children. These are easily adaptable for anyone separated from beloved children. 
Put a “Message in a Bottle”
Before leaving, write as many short messages to your child as you can and put them in a special container. The child can pull out one message a day.  You could either write the number you know you need, or send an envelope full of replenishing messages.  I used to leave a note in my children’s lunch bags every school morning when they were still in primary grades.  They loved it. This one would be easily adaptable for grandparents or others, and could be set up like an advent calendar, with messages linked to how many days remaining until you are reunited.
Draw Pictures for Your Children
When I was young, everything my parents drew made me happy.  It was better than I could do but unskilled enough that I could laugh at how funny it looked, and how they weren’t the most perfect, talented, and smart people in all of creation after all. So go for it!  Start with a simple picture of you and your child. Maybe go on from there to draw a few more of you going about the things you will be doing while you are away. 
The other suggestions are behind the scenes things that will benefit your children even if they won’t really know you have done them.  First is getting your house in order--taking care of any financial issues, squaring away paperwork and legal documents, and making sure the parent staying behind knows how to manage everything. 
Another suggestion is to spend a little time studying child development, perhaps even taking a book with you.  That way you will have a better sense of what to expect on your return, and you will also be able to ask more focused questions and understand better what the parent remaining behind is telling you about what the children are up to.

There are many ways to love in absentia.  The most important, of course, is just to do it.  But there are ways to make it show when you aren’t there, and these are just a few of them. 
Posted by About AART at 7:26 AM

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