On the Death of a Military Child

Though the article “Military Children in Crisis” http://www.truth-out.org/101709C was published on Truthout.org last fall, I only discovered it yesterday. In it, op-ed writer Stacy Bannerman writes that “America's military kids are in crisis, presenting acute, debilitating symptoms of deployment-related stress, virtual mirrors of their parents who served in Iraq and Afghanistan.”

I’ve been blogging daily for about a month now about various things affecting military children, and to this point I have tried to keep it positive, focusing on things people and institutions are doing to identify concerns and provide help. This entire month another conversation has been going on in the back of my mind as well, focusing on how wrong things are when military children are subjected to the kinds of stresses that require such interventions.

On this anniversary of September 11, I woke up this morning with the hard things about life on my mind--the losses so grievous we wonder how we can go on. This article, about the suicide of a seven-year-old boy distraught over his father’s deployment, speaks to the most unspeakable of these griefs.

“Three-plus decades ago,” Bannerman writes, “parents were exempt from conscription because of overwhelming concern about the harmful effects of deployment on children. Today, roughly half of the troops who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan are parents, many of whom have served multiple tours. Repeat deployments stress soldiers and escalate the likelihood of psychological injuries that can last for a lifetime. There is a small, but rapidly growing, body of evidence suggesting that the same is true of their children.”

Why are there no powerful lobbyists for military children? Why is advocacy left largely to the partners of military personnel, many of whom are dealing with crushing stress themselves? Psychologically debilitated children just don’t dovetail well into the image of fighting heroes that is only the way a jaded, disinterested society can make itself care about our wars. As Bannerman writes, “there's just no way to spin a suicidal second-grader into a poster child for patriotism. Since there's not a Walter Reed to tend the invisible war wounds of Army kids, there is no potential lightning rod that could galvanize the people or embarrass the administration.”

What kind of America do we want? Isn’t it true that the way we treat the most vulnerable in our society is the best measure of who we really are as a nation, not the false notes of speeches and warm fuzziness of feel-good sound bites? Are we a country that can tolerate military policies that create suicidal seven year olds? Just wondering.

Help on the Home Front

Shelley MacDermid Wadsworth, the director of the Military and Family Research Institute at Purdue University offers an effective analogy for what it is like to have first a deployed and then a returning military parent. "Picture a pyramid with the children on the top and the parents on the bottom," she writes in her article, "Help on the Home Front," in the Fort Wayne, Indiana Journal Gazette. "Now, remove one parent. Everyone else will have to adjust to make up for the missing member. The structure changes. Now, imagine trying to reinsert the military parent, and you’ll understand what they face."

Purdue University’s Military Family Research Institute has just awarded more than $1 million in grants to fund efforts that will help veterans succeed in college. A significant portion supports new programs at the Indiana and Purdue Universities' campus in Fort Worth, and nearby Ivy Tech Community College. Efforts will include the hiring of a full-time veterans’ affairs coordinator; review and revision of policies and procedures; creation of an orientation program and resource library specifically addressing the needs of veterans; and development of listservs, social media and the Web to improve communication. Seminars and training will assist faculty, staff and the community to get a better sense of the special needs of veteran students.

The Lilly Endowment funds this Purdue effort, called Operation Diploma, and many of the programs at the institute Wadsworth directs. It also uses endowment funds to provide small seed grants for communities that want to help military families and service members. 

"In Indiana, almost all of the 4,000 troops currently serving are citizen-soldiers – members of the National Guard or reserves," Wadsworth writes. "Their families don’t have the same support system they would find if they were living at a military installation. This can cause them to feel even more alone.

It’s hard for others to understand what it’s like. At-home spouses often don’t have a lot of information about what their service member is doing. They hesitate sharing any troubling news, knowing it could distract their military spouses and then affect their safety. The children tend to worry about the parents who are left at home and feel responsible for them. Some have trouble sleeping. They don’t have many people with whom they can share their concerns, who will really understand. Often they don’t ask for help."

Among the ideas Wadsworth suggests teachers try in their classrooms is to proactively incorporate information into their lessons, including  geography, art, music and history focusing on the areas where students’ parents are serving. "Time spent on writing assignments could be used to have children write to service members," she adds. "This not only will encourage the military child to share, but also may encourage the other children to be more sensitive and thoughtful."

More information about the Military Family Research Institute is available at www.mfri.purdue.edu/

From Children to Children

The Atlanta-Fulton Public Library System’s Volunteer Program recently won two awards from the National Association of Counties (NaCo) for its Children’s Letter Writing Campaign.  The project won the Achievement Award in the Volunteer Category and Best of Category Award.    During the summer of 2009, children visiting the library had the chance to practice their writing skills by composing letters of support to children of deployed military personnel. Children’s librarians incorporated the Children’s Letter Writing Campaign into summer vacation programs by creating a station where paper, pens and crayons were available, along with drop boxes for children to "mail" their letters. A reading list of relevant children’s books was also developed. Over 200 children wrote letters during the campaign, which gave them a chance to think not just about what other children face but also how important (and fun) volunteering can be.The program supports President Obama’s United We Serve initiative, with its national focus on volunteerism.

Free Tutoring for Military Families

Free tutoring for military children is being funded by DoD, working through a professional online service, www.tutor.com. 

Eligibility is for all active duty military service members, deployed military reservists and National Guard members and DoD on active duty. All their dependents are also eligible.

Tutors are available 24/7 year round (except major holidays) for help with math, English, science and social studies, from the fourth grade level through first-year college courses. They can also help with essays and test Adult learners can get back-to-school and career help, including GED prep and resume writing.  

The online classroom includes a chat window and a two-way interactive whiteboard where students can draw with a mouse. They can also send files to their tutor or browse the internet together. Students who like a particular tutor can work with the same person again, subject to availability.  The average session is about twenty-five minutes long, but students can work with a tutor for as little as five minutes or as long as an hour.

The tutors must meet specific requirements and undergo training. They must possess strong content knowledge in English, math, science, or social studies at the level they tutor. They also must demonstrate the ability to explain concepts to young people of a variety of ages within an online environment.  They must have graduated from an accredited US or Canadian College or University degree program or be currently enrolled in one of these. They are also required to pass more than one subject exam in the application process.

Tutor.com is a paid service, so others can sign up as well.  For eligible military, the service is paid for by DoD funds. For more information, go to www.tutor.com.

Operation Kid Comfort

Operation Kid Comfort creates custom-made quilts for children of deployed military personnel who experience grief from missing their mom or dad.

Created in 2004 at Ft. Bragg/Pope Air Force Base in Fayetteville, N.C., ASYMCA’s Operation Kid Comfort is designed to help relieve the emotional stress that children of deployed military personnel suffer during a parent’s absence from home.  providing free quilts for children ages 6 and under and pillows for children ages 7 and older. To date, the program has made nearly 6,000 quilts for children of deployed parents.

Greater DC Cares, the leading and largest coordinator of volunteerism in the region, chose Operation Kid Comfort as the flagship service event for its 9/11 National Day of Service events. As the banner event, more than 200 volunteers created dozens of quilts for children all over the country.

According to the ASYMCA website, "volunteers collect photographs from military families to make “photo-transfer” quilts that feature images of the deployed family member. With the help of local quilting artists, volunteers are taught the basic steps of quilt making, how to crop and scan pictures, preparation of the fabric, and use of equipment. Once the quilt is complete, it is given to the child to play with, sleep with, or use to comfort them from the grief of missing their mom or dad."

Click here for more information, to request a quilt or to volunteer.

The Military Child's Bill of Rights

Found this online this morning:

Military Child Bill of Rights

I am a military child. Like my mother, father, brothers, and sisters, I am proud to serve our country too. Since I am a military child, my service should be recognized. I will grow strong serving alongside my family as long as I have:

A clean and safe place to live

Great schools that welcome me

A safe and fun place to stay when my parents are sent away

Good doctors I can easily visit when I don’t feel well

A community that supports me and lets me know I am valued

Courage and support to keep my family strong while we are at war

Leaders who will remember my family will still have needs when the war is over

Adults who remind me I’m still a kid

Time with my mom or dad so it doesn’t feel like they are still away even when they are home

Someone to talk with who understands me

Currently, there are more than 1.7 million military children under the age of 18. Remember: “Kids Serve Too!”

"Every American Can Do Something"

Several days after the combat mission in Iraq officially ended, First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden, wife of Vice President Joe Biden published an op-ed  in USA today, titled, “The Troops Need Us."

"This has been a summer of homecomings," they write. "In marking the end of the American combat mission in Iraq, we have now welcomed home nearly 100,000 of our troops from that war. Across the country, family and friends have honored these returning heroes. Spouses have been reunited, and military moms and dads have held their children once again.

"But while America's combat mission in Iraq has ended, America's commitment to our troops and their families goes on. All of us are called to an ongoing mission: to support our troops, veterans and their families, whether they are here at home, serving in Afghanistan, or supporting the Iraqi people as they forge their own future.

"As a country, we have come a long way in how we support our veterans and military families. In our travels to base communities from Fort Bragg to Camp Pendleton, we have seen employers creating innovative programs to support military families, classrooms adopting deployed units, faith communities providing prayers and support, and countless other acts of kindness.

"Yet there is still more work to be done.

"Our military families are strong, resilient and proud to serve their country. Nonetheless, they don't always feel that the rest of the country is part of the war effort. We've met National Guard families who feel isolated because they are the only members of their communities experiencing the deployment of a loved one. We've heard from military kids who struggle in school while their parents are deployed.

"Remarkably, these same families still find time to serve their communities every day. They are troops who come home from a long deployment and coach Little League or mentor a child. They are children who tutor their younger siblings, and spouses who balance their families with jobs, school, community service — or all of the above. They are wounded warriors, survivors and veterans who continue to give so much to our country.

"Guided by their stories, the Obama administration has made one of the largest investments in a generation in our veterans and military families. This includes building a 21st century Department of Veterans Affairs, improving care for traumatic brain injuries and post-traumatic stress disorder, strengthening military family readiness programs, helping hundreds of thousands of veterans get a college education, and combating the tragedy of homelessness among veterans.

"But government can only do so much.That's why we're challenging every sector of American society to support and engage our military families. You don't have to come from a military family, have a base in your community, or be an expert in military issues to make a difference. Every American can do something.

"Businesses and organizations of all kinds can expand job opportunities and connect the work they're already doing with the needs of military families. There are so many ways to help, and you can get started by visitingwww.serve.gov to see how other Americans are helping in their communities.

"One percent of our population is doing 100% of the fighting, but we need 100% of Americans working to support our troops and their families. We can do this. In every community, every day, we can find concrete ways to show our military families the respect and gratitude that each of us holds for them in our hearts. They deserve our support long after the welcome home ceremonies are over.

"That's the spirit that defines us as Americans, and it's who we need to continue to be in the months and years ahead."