When my father, Odysseus, and his men sailed off to the Trojan War, they were confident their gods favored a quick victory. Instead, the siege of Troy lasted ten years. After Troy fell, the survivors made their way home to Sparta, Mycenae, Pylos, and elsewhere in the ancient Peloponnese. Neither my father nor any of his troops arrived home with the rest. We waited for years as the news grew worse. Odysseus was dead, we were told,or imprisoned, or, worst yet, he had married another woman and abandoned my mother Penelope, my brother Telemachus, and me.


If he is alive somewhere, his thoughts may wander to Penelope and Telemachus, but he won’t be thinking of me. I am the daughter he doesn’t know exists. Odysseus went off to the Trojan War when his son, Telemachus, was barely old enough to walk. His wife, Penelope, was a teenage bride, and is now a young wife, mother, and queen who has to try to rule Ithaca without him.


I was born seven months after he left. I am a hero’s daughter and a princess of his realm, but I have lived my entire life without a father. I’m nineteen now, and still waiting.


All over the world, and throughout history children grow up as I have. This website will focus on the children of those men and women who have gone off to fight America's wars, and provide information and resources for all who care about military families and want to help.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Worried About Dad

We’ve probably all had the experience of being surprised that someone is worried about us, or upset because he or she didn’t know where we were or that we were safe. We knew where we were and knew everything was fine, so what’s the problem? 
It’s like that for families of deployed servicemembers. Much of a deployment is spent doing routine things around the base, but families don’t know what is happening at any particular moment, so the worry is constantly there.
In a  good article by Erica Voll, “The Other Side of War,” appearing in the online magazine SJ, we meet National Guard Colonel Col. Dennis Devery’s twelve-year-old daughter Callan and eighteen-year-old son Connell. Devery has been deployed to Afghanistan with his National Guard unit since January 2010 (that's Devery with daughter Callan in the photo). “There are days when I am taking care of errands or doing laundry,” Devery says. “But my family at home doesn’t always know that. They think we are in constant danger.” 
Psychologist Jennifer Perry specializes in treating children and adolescents. “Kids respond to stress differently than adults do,” says Perry. “They may not know how to express their thoughts and feelings so instead, they act out behaviorally, develop physical symptoms of stress, or develop separation anxiety, difficulty concentrating or phobias.” Perry goes on to note that “most children don’t experience significant problems....Much of the child’s adjustment depends on the remaining parent’s adjustment.” 
Kelly Devery, the at-home parent agrees that children handle things differently and that handling the parenting alone is difficult. “We have two children at two very different points of life, and I think it impacts us all very differently. Dads certainly bring a different perspective, and it’s been hard to tackle the challenging things that come up while raising a 12- and 18-year-old.”
Callan and Connell don’t talk about their Dad too much with friends because their friends are a way of forgetting their worries.  “My friends don’t understand,” Callan says. “Their parents are home and safe.”
Callan worries about her father’s safety a great deal. “No matter how safe he says he is, he is still in that unsafe area.” The news upsets her so much she tries not to watch.  Dennis has mixed feelings about this, because he wants his children to know the good things our armed forces are doing, instead of just imagining the bad things that might happen.
Fortunately, the base in Afghanistan is set up with video equipment, phones, Internet and Skype, and Dennis checks in with Kelly once a day.  Because of the time difference, the children miss most of these calls, but they are still reassuring. 
“I miss studying, fishing and going to baseball games with him,” says Callan. “I just miss him being around.” Connell, a freshman at Burlington County College feels the same way. “He wasn’t here for my senior year play or even my high school graduation,” he says. “I miss him, but I know he’s helping out a lot of people who are less fortunate than us Americans, and I am proud he is over there doing it.”
The best news of all is that Dennis will be home for Christmas--for good. “Having him home,” Kelly says, “will be the greatest gift to us all,” a sentiment with which Connell and Callan heartily agree.  Welcome Home, Dennis.  Well done.
Posted by About AART at 6:48 AM

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