Shut Your Mouth?

It’s hard enough to admit problems at home, especially ones that might be perceived as shameful or signs of weakness or failure. For military families, seeking counseling help is even harder than it is for the rest of us.

The military offers a number of counseling services, including those provided by Military OneSource, This program provides three kinds of short-term, non-medical counseling options to active-duty, Guard, and Reserve members and their families (here’s an eligibility chart).

Military OneSource counseling services are designed to provide short-term help with things such as stress management, decision making, communication, grief, blended-family issues, and parenting skills. This is a great service, however, there are some warnings, more or less the same ones that apply to other counseling situations. Information provided to Military OneSource counselors is confidential, except to meet legal obligations or to prevent harm to self or others, including family maltreatment (spouse, child, elder abuse), substance abuse, and illegal activities. 

As a civilian, I understand that there are some things I can’t say without triggering another person’s obligation to report what I have said. This is always going to be a deterrent to seeking help for problems with domestic violence in particular. However, I hadn’t really thought until now about how much more difficult it must be for military families to seek help, because reports are made to the appropriate military authorities as well. 

Whatever I might have told a doctor or other authority in civilian life did not include an obligation to report my statements or symptoms to my employer. In essence, military families are told that if they come in for help, they’d better be prepared for the boss to find out what’s going on.  How many members of military families decide against seeking help even for potentially life-threatening problems, for fear that just a mention of the situation may disrupt their whole lives?  

No one wants to be responsible for knowing something and not acting, if something terrible happens down the road that might have been prevented, Still, how many terrible things do we not find out about at all, because such rules force people to tell no one?