Xanthe's World

What I've Learned

2011-01-01T06:30:00.000-08:00

This will be my last post to Xanthe’s World for the foreseeable future. I want to summarize the most important insights and information I have garnered in my nearly five months of daily blogging.

Military families are under an enormous amount of stress, beyond what normally goes with the territory. This is caused in large part by the extraordinarily long and frequent deployments of servicemembers to war zones. This takes a toll on the psychological wellbeing and physical health of families, and makes reintegration of returning servicemembers more difficult. As a result, the divorce rate is rising and a greater percentage of children than in the general population need help with mental health issues. Aggravating this are rising numbers of servicemembers with PTSD, which has a carryover effect onto spouses and children.

Superficial and easy forms of support for service families are abundant (think “support our troops” bumper stickers), but due to the all-volunteer military, most Americans have little contact with or knowledge of military families. Only 2% of the population serves our country. This creates a situation where caring becomes very abstract, rather arbitrary and not very deep. If we are going to ask such a small number of our fellow Americans to serve for us, we must find better ways to serve them in return.

Keeping our armed services all-volunteer has placed a huge burden on National Guard members, many of whom made the commitment to service based on the expectation that it would take them away from home only a predictable and minimal amount of time each month. They have jobs and professions that are disrupted by being called up for lengthy service, and they often live far away from military bases, making their families unable to access services meant to help them. Reserves face many of the same problems.

Children suffer academically from frequent moves and are often unable to stay on track for graduation and eligibility for college. Children with special needs are particularly vulnerable, especially in situations where limited availability of service makes them have to start over on waiting lists in every new community they move to. Efforts are underway to address this on a nationwide basis.

The impact of military service on women, especially those deployed to combat zones, is not well understood. Many women seem to come back from deployment with feelings of futility and inadequacy about settling back into the role of nurturing parent. A suicide rate three times the national average for women in the same age group is a cause for alarm.

There are many, many programs and services in the private sector as well as those offered by the military and governmental agencies. A large number of these are self-help offered by veterans or spouses, and in some cases military children, to others going through the same things. It is really heartening to see how much effort is going into making sure veterans, active duty, and reserve servicemembers and their families get the help they need and the advocacy they deserve. Still, many of these programs are run on a shoestring and even the better-funded ones have seen their funding cut, and in some cases eliminated due to the downturn in the economy. Private foundations have cut back their support of all kinds of programs, and military families must compete with many other worthy causes for a dwindling pot of money. Their needs are growing at the same time resources are shrinking.

Military families are known for their resilience, their strength, and their teamwork. They need our support to keep the challenges from becoming too great, and they need us to show our pride in them and the service their military members provide. Kids serve too. Spouses serve too. They are doing an amazing job, and we need not only to notice, but to tell them so.

Hiatus

2010-12-31T08:08:00.000-08:00

Though the two meaningful markers of a new year for me are in the fall--the start of school and the High Holy Days--I can’t help but get swept up in all the reflection and resolution making going on around me this time of year. I have spent some time in the last week or so thinking about the future of Xanthe’s World, and I have decided that I can’t continue to make it the same level of priority it has been since late summer, when I began blogging daily. This is my142nd blog post, and I am feeling at this point that I have uncovered and presented the major things that need to be said, sometimes more than once.

I have thought about going to once a week rather than daily, but I have so many other things I must pay attention to professionally in 2011 (a return to full-time teaching after a sabbatical, a third novel coming out in April while I am still busy promoting Penelope’s Daughter, a fourth novel to sell and bring along to publication, and a fifth to write). I am not sure how much decreased frequency would help, since the blog would still have to be on my mind all the time, or even whether new entries would add that much to what is already there.

As a result, I have decided to put Xanthe’s World on hiatus. I will pick it back up if there appears to be a need, but you will have to tell me that via your comments here.

One of the things that made me decide the time is right is the appearance yesterday of a cover story in the New York Times summarizing many of the issues I have been blogging about. My goal was always to bring these issues to people’s attention, but clearly with the NYT weighing in, my concerns will get an airing well beyond what I can give them. I figure if I leave this link as my second-to-the-top blog entry, the story will continue to have an audience from anyone coming to my blog.

My last entry, at least for now, will be tomorrow, New Year’s Day 2011. In it, I will summarize what I have learned and what I am concerned about as I relinquish my voice in this blog. I will continue to blog from time to time for The Huffington Post when new issues affecting military children arise. For now, I’ll just say here that I am grateful that the dedication of Penelope’s Daughter to “all the children left behind when fathers and mothers go off to war” took me on such a meaningful and eye-opening journey, and I hope you feel more knowledgeable as well.

Hidden Costs

2010-12-30T07:02:00.000-08:00

NPR’s Alix Spiegel aired a story earlier this month about female veterans and the alarming rate of suicide among those returning from deployments. The journal Psychiatric Services recently published a study by Portland State University researcher Mark Kaplan, looking at female deaths by suicide in 16 states. He compared the rate of suicide among female veterans to that among female civilians, and found that female vets age 34 and younger are 3 times as likely to commit suicide than their civilian peers. About 20 percent of the suicides in the US each year are veterans, but because women make up a small percentage of veterans, their special situation is often overlooked.

Spiegel cites a story told by Dr. Jan Kemp, head of the Department of Veterans Affairs' National Suicide Prevention Hotline, about a female vet recently returned from deployment who collected up a large number of pills, drove her car to a remote area and called the hotline to relay a message to her husband. "She had had a recent argument with her husband and had come to the conclusion that he and her two young children would be better off without her," Kemp said. She had PTSD as well as a history of MST (military sexual trauma), which is apparently a significant part of the profile in many female veteran suicides. This story had a better ending than most, for the call was traceable by GPS, and she was found unconscious but still alive.

Women who call the hotline, Kemp says, talk much more about their children than men tend to. "They worry that because they sometimes get angry and don't deal with things well that they won't be appropriate with their kids," she said. "And I think that is one of the things that it most poignant on the hotline is when young mothers call and they're concerned about their ability to take care of their children because of their problems."

As more women find themselves on the front lines of the war on terror, it’s easy to predict this problem will grow. Though they will remain a small subset of a subset of overall suicides, we owe consideration of this problem to these women and the families they will leave behind if strong programs and strategies are not forthcoming.

On the Move

2010-12-29T07:38:00.000-08:00

An estimated 1 in 88 military children has an autism-spectrum disorder, higher than the national average. Military life is already tough on these children, who need order and stability. Intensive Behavioral Interventions, a well documented successful strategy to help these chidlren, is so helpful that 23 states define this treatment as “medically necessary” and require private insurers to cover it. The Navy surgeon general, the Army surgeon general and the chief medical officer of the Coast Guard all recommend that the Pentagon fund these services via the military health care system.

Sounds great, but the Pentagon covers only a part of the cost, which can run to more than $65,000 annually. Military families end up applying for help through state Medicaid programs, which means that ever time they move to another state, they must reapply and often spend years on state waiting lists.

Kate Sylvester is vice president of military families for the America’s Promise Alliance and First Focus, a bipartisan children’s advocacy organization, points out in a recent Politico article, that “providing recommended levels of care for special-needs children can be expensive. But it’s also expensive when service members

accumulate so much debt that they lose their security clearances. Or when highly trained service members, such as combat helicopter pilots or air traffic controllers, leave the service prematurely because their children cannot get proper treatment.” It seems there are no easy choices in today’s military when it comes to balancing service with family.

In 2009, the Defense Department offered a program called My Career Advancement Account, providing military spouses $6,000 stipends to pay for training in what are sometimes called “portable professions.” Blue Star Families, a military-family support group, reports that of the 61 percent of spouses who don’t work outside the home, 48 percent want to work but can’t do so because of their highly mobile lifestyle. Presumably that number is even higher in this economic downturn.

The program became a victim of its own popularity. My CAA now pays $4,000 tuition only for associate-degree programs, professional licenses, and vocational certificates, and is now available only to spouses of junior service members. The point of the program was to encourage retention, but now spouses of servicemembers promoted above a certain level will find themselves ineligible--a great reward for high quality service! Likewise, if a spouse waits to start training until after the children start school, it may be too late, and if a four-year degree is desired (such as an RN), the Pentagon won’t help.

Cuts are needed, and everyone screams when what happens affects him or her personally, but surely military families deserve more thoughtful consideration to their needs.

Not Alone

2010-12-28T07:01:00.000-08:00

Not Alone is a website providing “programs, resources and services to warriors and families impacted by combat stress and PTSD through a confidential and anonymous community.” It contains articles, blogs, profiles and stories of individuals, links to resources and other helpful means to ensure that suffering servicemembers know that are not alone. It’s worth a look. Among the symptoms of PTSD are the following:

• Feelings of extreme loneliness and alienation
• Feelings of being unlike other people
• Feeling disconnected from other people
• Loss of sense of security in relationships and in the world in general
• Alternating between trying harder and giving up
• Stress on significant relationships(marriage, etc)
• Helplessness, hopelessness, and anger, often leading to rage

It's not just returning servicemembers who experience this, but family members who have never had direct experiences with trauma, as well as many who have non-combat experiences of similar intensity. There's strength in awareness, so check it out.

The Weight of the War

2010-12-27T06:36:00.000-08:00

Since the 9/11 terrorist attacks, 787,000 Guard members and reservists have been called to active duty, the most since World War II. A half-million have deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan – and 200,000 have served multiple tours. Think for a moment. National Guard and Reserves.

Joining the National Guard in the past has been a different kind of commitment that joining the regular military. It’s a just-in-case kind of operation, which demands some time each month but allows for a normal life at home otherwise. Reserves are just that--ones that aren’t called upon except in emergencies because they have already served. Whatever one thinks of the war--why we went and whether we should stay--it is a very serious matter that our country has used, and used, and used a human resource it normally shouldn’t have called on at all.

Why is this a problem? Being in the Guard or reserves isn’t a job. These are people with other jobs, living wherever they want around our country. Many of these servicemembers are older, with more responsibilities to family. Their families do not have, because normally they would not need, many of the support services that full-time active duty service members on or near military installations take advantage of.

Outside the military community, few seem to understand how so much of the weight of the war has fallen on the shoulders of such servicemembers. This is the price a few of us are paying for an all-volunteer military. Just as we are being told that solving our economic crisis will cut us all deeply and painfully, perhaps it is time to say that if we want to take the fight to the terrorists, we will have to be prepared for similar changed in our way of life and similar nationwide sacrifice for our mutual defense.

Kaylee

2010-12-26T06:52:00.000-08:00

Here's a beautiful story about a five-year-old girl from Dixon, California, Kaylee Hubbard, who collected new toys from her kindergarten class and others to donate them to injured servicemembers hospitalized at Travis Air Force Base and in the Bay Area. That way, when their children visited them at Christmastime, the hospitalized parent would have presents to give them. Click here to see a heartwarming video from KCRA News.

Bells

2010-12-25T06:33:00.000-08:00

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

Their old familiar carols play,

And wild and sweet the words repeat

Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:

"There is no peace on earth," I said,

"For hate is strong and mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,

With peace on earth, good will to men."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Playing Santa

2010-12-24T06:43:00.000-08:00

Santa took to the road a few days back. Northern Virginia donors and volunteers affiliated with the Our Military Kids’ Wounded Warrior Program provided gifts to nearly 100 military children across the country. Bob Nelson, a real estate agent in Great Falls and Gloria Schaefer, a volunteer, coordinated the effort. Schaefer took responsibility for two brothers, 13 and 10, brothers, whose father was injured serving in Iraq with the National Guard.

Both of the children had asked for bikes. Due to their father's injury, the bikes had to arrive fully assembled, which made shipping difficult, so Schaefer and her husband drove from McLean, Virginia to Montgomery, Ala. to deliver two fully assembled bicycles in person.

“After speaking with the family, I knew this was the only option,” said Schaefer. “These kids, along with all the other children of Wounded Warriors, deserve to have Santa visit their homes.”

Xanthe's World: Snowballing

2010-12-23T06:45:00.001-08:00

Xanthe's World: Snowballing: "American Airlines offered something very nice to children who have lost a parent while on active duty since September 11, 2001. The airline..."

Snowballing

2010-12-23T06:45:00.000-08:00

American Airlines offered something very nice to children who have lost a parent while on active duty since September 11, 2001. The airline flew 1300 families to Dallas for an all-expenses-paid weekend getaway two weeks ago. They went to Six Flags and attended special concerts and other activities

Inaugurated in 2006, The Snowball Express is designed to give these children and their surviving parent a few days of fun and a change to meet others like themselves. Here’s a video of the wonderful ceremonies held at the Tulsa airport to send six families off.

"I really think it's nice of them, whoever is doing this," said ten-year-old Koby Mackey, from Tulsa, whose father died in 2008. "It really means a lot to me knowing that somebody cares," his thirteen-year-old brother Ryan adds.

"I think it's real great that people have volunteered their time for us," JR Graham said. His father was killed by a suicide bomber.

The surviving parents also say that spending time with other families helps them "It's nice to have somebody to bounce some ideas off of or, 'My kid's going through this. Have you dealt with it yet?' one of the mothers said.

In the end, however much events like this help, "it doesn't change the fact that he's gone," JR Graham said.

Managing at Home

2010-12-22T07:10:00.000-08:00

In some respects being a military spouse with a deployed partner is no different from being a single parent. When a child is ill or hospitalized, or when emergencies arise, you have to handle it yourself, call in favors from friends and family, and suffer the consequences of missing work or, in some cases, school. In others, of course, it is. There’s a relationship you are trying to keep intact and strong, and there is the fear of knowing that someone you love and are committed to is in harm’s way.

Likewise, as difficult as it is on your end, there’s a partner too far away to help, who wants nothing more than to be there with you.

The stress on deployed military personnel and their family is uniquely difficult. Even though most spouses understand what they are getting into when they marry someone in the military, it can still be way more difficult that they imagined.

“This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life,” says Kate, 23, whose husband, Sean, is a staff sergeant in the Air Force. “I got married at 19; I didn’t by any means think this would be easy. But I didn’t think my son would sit in the car and cry for his daddy and there was nothing I could do about it.”

An article, “The Life and Challenges of One Deployed Beaufort Military Family,” tells Kate and Sean’s story. She’s the mother of two toddlers, and also a full-time college student. What makes it more difficult, she says, is the general public misunderstanding her family’s unique situation. “People tell me all the time, ‘Well you knew what you were getting into,’” Kate says. “The sheer lack of support from the general public makes me so mad.”

For example,when she missed class during her son’s recent illness, one of her professors questioned her ability to continue in the class. “I told him ‘Look, I’m a single parent right now, my GPA is a 3.94, and my husband’s in a war zone. My child will come first, but I will ace all your exams,” she says.

Kevin and Stacy are another Beaufort-based Marine couple, with a toddler daughter, Meghan. Kevin recently returned from his third deployment. They kept in touch once or twice a week, depending on the weather over there. “If there’s a sandstorm it won’t happen for at least a week.” They also text messages and call each other on the cell phones, incurring huge, but in their minds, worthwhile bills.

In addition, families use other objects to comfort children missing their parents. “We made a pillowcase for Collin that has pictures of him and his dad and it says ‘Sweet dreams, Daddy loves you,’ so Daddy goes to bed with him each night,” Kate says. Collin also has a doll from HugaHero.com with a photo of his father and an internal voice recorder where Sean recorded messages for his son. Before Kevin deployed in January, he videotaped himself reading books for Meghan, now 3, and her little brother, Connor, 1.

Missing milestones is also difficult. “Kevin missed Connor’s first birthday and Meghan’s first birthday, but he was able to do the webcam. So he saw the cake, balloons, all that stuff,” Stacy says. “It’s not quite the same, but it’s better than not having him at all.”

Love From a Distance

2010-12-21T07:26:00.000-08:00

The National Fatherhood Initiative recently posted a good article outlining a number of ideas for ways a deployed parent can stay close to his or her children. These are easily adaptable for anyone separated from beloved children.

Put a “Message in a Bottle”
Before leaving, write as many short messages to your child as you can and put them in a special container. The child can pull out one message a day. You could either write the number you know you need, or send an envelope full of replenishing messages. I used to leave a note in my children’s lunch bags every school morning when they were still in primary grades. They loved it. This one would be easily adaptable for grandparents or others, and could be set up like an advent calendar, with messages linked to how many days remaining until you are reunited.

Draw Pictures for Your Children

When I was young, everything my parents drew made me happy. It was better than I could do but unskilled enough that I could laugh at how funny it looked, and how they weren’t the most perfect, talented, and smart people in all of creation after all. So go for it! Start with a simple picture of you and your child. Maybe go on from there to draw a few more of you going about the things you will be doing while you are away.

The other suggestions are behind the scenes things that will benefit your children even if they won’t really know you have done them. First is getting your house in order--taking care of any financial issues, squaring away paperwork and legal documents, and making sure the parent staying behind knows how to manage everything.

Another suggestion is to spend a little time studying child development, perhaps even taking a book with you. That way you will have a better sense of what to expect on your return, and you will also be able to ask more focused questions and understand better what the parent remaining behind is telling you about what the children are up to.

There are many ways to love in absentia. The most important, of course, is just to do it. But there are ways to make it show when you aren’t there, and these are just a few of them.

Lilly Endowment Steps Up

2010-12-20T07:22:00.000-08:00

Lilly Endowment Inc. has given $6.3 million to the Military Family Research Institute at Purdue. "Millions of military families in our country are recovering from, or still experiencing, challenges related to combat deployment," says the institute's director, Shelley MacDermid Wadsworth.

"Our state and our nation are in a critical period that will determine whether recent veterans will suffer the same troubling levels of poverty, homelessness and health problems experienced by their predecessors. If we fail to do a good job of serving those who have served our country, we all will pay the price."

The Military Family Research Institute's (MFRI) efforts include Passport Toward Success, helping military children and families reconnect after deployment. Also, mini-grants of up to $2,500 are provided to Family Readiness and Community Mobilization groups developing community activities to help military families. Operation Purple Camp, a free camp for military children that I have written about in the past, also runs a campsite at Purdue. Its funding was jeopardized by the loss of its main donor last year. The photo at right is of campers at one of its many sites. Operation Diploma, supports college and university programs that help veterans succeed on campus.

"MFRI's goal is to make Indiana a better place for military families and to generate tools and insights here that can benefit military families everywhere," said Wadsworth, who is a professor of child development and family studies at Purdue.

Lilly Endowment Inc. is an Indianapolis-based, philanthropic foundation. The Military Family Research Institute, part of the Center for Families in Purdue's College of Health and Human Sciences, is the leading academic institution in the country specializing in research about military families.

For more information, click here.

Better Than Socks or a Tie

2010-12-19T06:33:00.000-08:00

I'm going "off-message" today to pass along information about some little-known charities, none focusing on military children, that are the subject of an excellent column by Nicholas Kristol in today's NY Times. Here are some ways to do something more meaningful than paw through merchandise at crowded stores this holiday season.

Courtesy Mr. Kristol, here are his suggestions:

"Arzu (ArzuStudioHope.org) employs women in Afghanistan to make carpets for export. The women get decent wages, but their families must commit to sending children to school and to allowing women to attend literacy and health classes and receive medical help in childbirth. Rugs start at $250 and bracelets at $10, or a $20 donation pays for a water filter for a worker’s family.

"First Book (firstbook.org) addresses a basic problem facing poor kids in America: They don’t have books. One study found that in low-income neighborhoods, there is only one age-appropriate book for every 300 children. So First Book supports antipoverty organizations with children’s books — and above all, gets kids reading. A $100 gift will supply 50 books for a mentor to tutor a child in reading for a year. And $20 will get 10 books in the hands of kids to help discover the joys of reading.

"Fonkoze (fonkoze.org) is a terrific poverty-fighting organization if Haiti is on your mind, nearly a year after the earthquake. A $20 gift will send a rural Haitian child to elementary school for a year, while $50 will buy a family a pregnant goat. Or $100 supports a family for 13 weeks while it starts a business.

"Another terrific Haiti-focused organization is Partners in Health, (pih.org), founded by Dr. Paul Farmer, the Harvard Medical School professor. A $100 donation pays for enough therapeutic food (a bit like peanut butter) to treat a severely malnourished child for one month. Or $50 provides seeds, agricultural implements and training for a family to grow more food for itself.

"Panzi Hospital (panzifoundation.org) treats victims of sexual violence in eastern Congo, rape capital of the world. It’s run by Dr. Denis Mukwege, who should be a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize. A $10 donation pays for transport to the hospital for a rape survivor; $100 pays for counseling and literacy and skill training for a survivor for a month.

"Camfed (camfed.org), short for the Campaign for Female Education, sends girls to school in Africa and provides a broad support system for them. A $300 donation pays for a girl to attend middle school for a year in rural Zambia, and $25 sends a girl to elementary school.

"The Nurse-Family Partnership program (nursefamilypartnership.org) is a stellar organization in the United States that works with first-time mothers to try to break the cycle of poverty. It sends nurses to at-risk women who are pregnant for the first time, continuing the visits until the child turns 2. The result seems to be less alcohol and drug abuse during pregnancy, and better child-rearing afterward, so that the children are less likely to tangle with the law even years later. A $150 gift provides periodic coaching and support for a young nurse by a senior nurse for a month.

"Edna Hospital (ednahospital.org) is a dazzling maternity hospital in Somaliland, an area with one of the highest maternal mortality rates in the world. Edna Adan Ismail, a Somali nurse- midwife who rose in the ranks of the World Health Organization and also served as Somaliland’s foreign minister, founded the hospital with her life’s savings and supports it with her United Nations pension. A $50 gift pays for a woman to get four prenatal visits, a hospital delivery, and one postnatal visit. Or $150 pays for a lifesaving C-section for a woman in obstructed labor.

"The Somaly Mam Foundation fights sex slavery in Cambodia and around the world (somaly.org). It is run by Somaly Mam, who was sold into Cambodian brothels as a young girl before escaping years later. For $50, you can buy a lovely silk scarf made by a trafficking survivor; $25 buys a necklace made by a survivor."

I'm a writer, so Firstbook.org is the one that caught my eye, plus it is closer to home, where needs are so great. Which one grabbed you? Please donate today.

"They're Tired"

2010-12-18T06:41:00.000-08:00

I’ve added another website to my list of resources for military families and those interested in their well being. It’s the Coalition for Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans . According to their website, the CIAV “is a national non-partisan partnership of organizations committed to working with and on behalf of all military, veterans, families, survivors and providers to strengthen the existing system of care and support for all those affected by the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.”

A recent article, “Study: Military Teens Have More Stress,” points out that the focus is often on younger children, but military teenagers are experiencing significant levels of stress as well. It’s based on the Rand Corporation study that appeared recently in Pediatrics.

Researchers analyzed data from more than 1500 households with military children from 11 to 17 years old and nondeployed caregivers. Sources of difficulty during deployment included taking on more household responsibilities and missing school activities. Older children said it was hard to get to know the deployed parent again upon his or her return, and they were worried about the next deployment. Confusing mood changes and differences in how their parents were getting along were also stressful for the children.

“The main parent at home is trying to juggle so many balls that some of those balls get dropped,” one participating parent said. “I find it hard to believe that you can do it all, and so by virtue of that, since I’m the adult in the picture, sometimes I don’t have time to listen to my kids.” “There was nobody big to look up to,” her son said. “Sometimes when my mom was away, there wasn’t anybody else to help me with my homework, something personal like that, or throw a football with me.”

Around 30 percent of the children interviewed reported symptoms of anxiety, compared to 9 to 15 percent of the general population of children the same age. For reasons that have yet to be well understood, girls have more problems with the reintegration of a deployed parent into the family, the study found. The data was collected in summer 2008, but researchers have followed up with the families twice since then, and will release findings on the next phase in a few months.

The National Military Family Association, which co-funded the study, will use the results to design future programs. Joyce Raezer, executive director of NMFA, says, “I can see the strain when I have an employee or a volunteer whose spouse is on their second or third deployment,” she said. “These are brave, committed, dedicated folks determined to do what they need to do, and they work very hard to hold it together, but they’re tired.”

Heading for the Y

2010-12-17T06:28:00.000-08:00

This is really good news. A national partnership between the U.S. Department of Defense and the YMCA will provide free memberships, including day care, wellness programs and counseling services to families of deployed National Guard and military service members for six months, as well as for three months before and after the deployment. The partnership started Oct. 1, 2010, although many YMCAs had already been providing some of these services on their own initiative.

The YMCA of Central Maryland, for example, has been providing free services for more than 500 families of deployed National Guard members since the start of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. With this new partnership, this YMCA and others can reach out to and accommodate more families of service members on a more systematic basis, although the program is still at this point limited to those stationed at specific bases.

“We know these programs are key to personal health and well-being, help build strong families, and reduce stress and feelings of isolation,” said David Chu, undersecretary for the Defense Department’s personnel and readiness office.“For us, this is a very natural extension.”

“This new initiative will go a long way to help America’s military families live healthy lives,” said retired Navy Rear Adm. Frank Gallo, the YMCA’s armed services director.

This is a great start, but it may be more important to focus on families not stationed at major bases, where it may already be easier to get free access to the kinds of activities and services the YMCA provides. It’s the families living away from these services who might benefit most from YMCA membership, and I hope this is part of the plan for the future.

Read Me a Story

2010-12-16T06:41:00.000-08:00

Be There Bedtime Stories is a website designed to connect far-flung families over the experience of reading. Much like the creators of United Through Reading, my favorite philanthropy, Alison Sansome, the woman behind Be There Bedtime Stories, understands the deep bonds that develop in families by reading to each other. Her site isn’t just for military families, but for anyone on their own initiative who wants to use it. She is offering the first ten military families who e-mail programs@bluestarfam.org the chance to use this service free.

“I was inspired to build the site because of my frustration being so far from my nieces - unable to be a part of their development and unable to be recognized when I would visit once a year,” Sansome explains.

The program uses webcam recording. There are approximately 100 titles in her online bookstore. All you have to do is read the story in front of a webcam, and the Be There Bedtime Stories website creates a video recording as you read, then places it directly on each page of the e-book, and your story is instantly accessible to watch by unlimited people, unlimited times. It requires no coordination across time zones and will be archived for use in the future.

“The coolest result from our testing was to discover how much kids want to read back,” Sansome says. “So even if soldiers are unable to access a webcam and read a story while deployed, kids can show off their reading and storytelling skills by creating a story recording for their parents or grandparents to watch them grow--no matter how far apart.”

Learn more by watching storytellers on the website: www.betherebedtimestories.com

Militarykidz

2010-12-15T06:50:00.000-08:00

If you have a few minutes in a busy day, check out militarykidz! It’s a really cute and fun website for military children, set up like a military base, with an ID card and check in at the gate. Sign up for a card and explore the site, starting with the communications center, where you can learn about and practice Morse Code, semaphore signaling and even Braille. There’s lots of educational content too about the history of signing, the alphabet, and so on. There’s a Boot Camp section where you can learn about military ranks, medals, music, and drill movements. Take a minute to read the guest book, where kids comment on the website (from “I’m bored--there are no games!” to “I miss my daddy”). A very fun project overall, sure to make you smile at some points and say “I didn’t know that” at others. The graphics are really cute, including the drill sergeant (right) who welcomes you to Boot Camp.

Learning More

2010-12-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

The stresses on military families are attracting a great deal of attention among graduate student as subjects for theses and dissertations. Marinewives.com has a survey page currently listing twelve research projects, most of them academic, as well as links to other pages where additional surveys can be found.

Graduate students are asking for participants in studies such as this one from the University of California at Santa Barbara:

“The purpose of this study is to examine how military wives talk to their deployed husbands about the stressors they experience when their husband is away in a combat situation. You will be asked a series of questions on a variety of topics you may discuss with your husband, including stressors you experience while he is deployed and topics about family matters.”

This is a good sign that awareness of this at-risk population is growing. Hopefully there will be a means for results to be shared outside the academic community, and that some of these graduate students will be so impacted by this research that they choose a path of service to those who serve.

Making Service Local

2010-12-13T07:34:00.000-08:00

One of the big problems with an all-volunteer military in war time is that call-ups affect reserve and National Guard troops, who often live far away from bases or communities likely to have support services for military families.

An Indiana-based organization, the NMFI, is working to address this for residents of that state, which has 23,674 active and reserve members, mostly Army National Guard, with 1,800 deployed and 3,600 deploying in January 2012.

Most of the activities center around libraries and schools, including a Heroes Tree, where libraries place a tree on site and people are encouraged to make ornaments honoring servicemembers past and present. Activities such as these help to keep servicemembers on people’s minds.

Along with program resources, libraries also are provided with leaflets called How to Help Military Families which offers suggestions customized for childcare providers, faith-based groups, employers, health care professionals, neighbors and others.

The institute partners with the Center for Deployment Psychology to provide training sessions for health care providers, marriage and family therapists, and mental health professionals. Additionally, the institute has shipped 1,300 training kits to primary care doctors within the state.

One example of the problem the program is trying to address is Evansville, which has a fairly large military unit. It is 76 miles away from a VA medical center, and the closest child psychologist is about 100 miles away, Columbus, Indiana has Camp Atterbury and will soon have a small active-duty unit. More than 50,000 troops have deployed after training there, yet there is relatively little child care and no after-hours care.

Dirtbags and Bikes

2010-12-12T06:47:00.000-08:00

When is a dirtbag not a dirtbag? When it is a group of cyclists from communities around Central California’s Vandenberg Air Force Base, who join forces every year to provide new bicycles and helmets to children of service members.

“Our mission is simple,” the Village Dirtbags say. “Provide bikes and helmets to families of VAFB's deployed service members. The Christmas Bikes program is our way of supporting, and showing appreciation for, America's finest and their courageous families.”

In 2006, the first year of Christmas Bikes,they gave away 12 bikes and helmets. By 2009 they reached 95, and their goal for 2010’s even on December 18 is 100 or more. Each bike and helmet is chosen specifically for a particular child, and the photos at their gallery at Christmas Bikes 2008 and Christmas Bikes 2009 show just how true this is.

Last year, three disabled veterans also got custom made bikes that cost around a thousand dollars apiece, a program that the Village Dirtbags hope to continue.

This is another philanthropic group whose love for what they do and desire to share their enthusiasm with military children makes it a wonderful thing to support. Here’s a Brochure and Contribution Form.

Win-Win-Win

2010-12-11T07:38:00.000-08:00

This seems like a nice win-win-win for the holidays. Atlantic Beach Children for Peace (pictured to the right) will present the original musical "Christmas Glee" this weekend. The price of admission? An unwrapped toy for a child age one to fourteen for a gift giveaway at the local community center. Many at the giveaway are children of active military members in the local area.

The musical is written, directed, and produced by Eve Beardall, who wrote an original song "Christmas by the Sea," especially for it.

It must be complicated for military parents this time of year. There are a lot of giveaways for military children, especially around the holidays and the start of school. I sometimes wonder what the recipients and their parents really feel about this, because in our culture direct charity of this sort is difficult to accept. It creates a feeling of inequality between the donor and the recipient, and though there may be financial inequality, we all want to feel equal in other ways. How does it feel to be in the midst of other people’s plenty, and be treated as if they think you wouldn’t have any of it without them? Toys are great, but not if they come with even a hint of pity or condescension. It’s a rare person who is truly comfortable with others feeling sorry for him or her.

Hopefully these toy giveaways are presented in the spirit of saying thank you, that the parents and children feel as if they are being repaid for services they have performed. That's one of the reasons I like the Atlantic Beach Children for Peace idea. These children are performing a service to repay a service. Everybody wins--the performers because they get to do something they love, the audience, because they get to enjoy the show, and the military children, who will have something under the tree that shows that kids feel a bond with kids, and that when we appreciate each other through gifts of all sorts, whether it’s a song, or an action figure, or a parent off at war, everyone comes out the better for it.

The Mission Continues

2010-12-10T07:43:00.001-08:00

Whatever else one might think of Goldman Sachs after the economic meltdown it contributed to, the company has stepped up to serve military children. I wrote a few months back about the imminent loss of Operation Purple summer camps for children of deployed and wounded military. The funding source for those camps dried up as a result of the financial woes of the time. Goldman Sachs has now announced a $20 million partnership with The Mission Continues, an award-winning national non-profit organization. The investment will be used to fund a network of non-profit organizations that serve returning veterans and their families over the five year life of the program.

Though the primary focus of the partnership will be professional development, personal growth opportunities, a future employment plan, and job placement for veterans , another goal is family support and counseling. The first partner in this mission will be the National Military Family Association, which will receive a grant of $1 million for its Operation Purple ® camps for military children. A program which looked as if it was headed for closure will now have spaces for 2500 children of servicemembers.“

“Goldman Sachs Gives is proud to work with a network of veterans organizations, like The Mission Continues, that are providing a range of support services for wounded veterans and their families,” says Dina Habib Powell, managing director and Global Head of Corporate Engagement. “Supporting our veterans can have a significant impact both in the lives of individuals and the broader communities where they work and live.”

“BRATS: Our Journey Home” Premieres Tomorrow, December 10

2010-12-09T06:38:00.000-08:00

The term “brat” apparently was attached to military children as a result of the British acronym, “British Regimental Attached Traveler. “BRATS: Our Journey Home,” is a film festival award winning documentary exploring the lives of today’s “brats” and their families. More than 1.5 million children are “military brats” today, and approximately 15 million Americans grew up that way.

The social and psychological difficulties experienced by today’s military children are growing better documented by the month, and this documentary attempts to educate the public and give military children a voice through the medium of film. “I want this documentary to give families the opportunity to talk about their feelings and share their experiences, and help their children grow positively in a military family environment, even if part of that family experience is traumatic,” says filmmaker and fellow Brat, Donna Musil. Musil lost her father in the Vietnam war, and experienced not only the death itself but the trauma of suddenly leaving military life as a result of it.

Musil started a 501(c)(3) educational non-profit group, Brats Without Borders, in 1999 to help create a way for the voices of military children and families to be heard. “Adult brats” experience significant levels of divorce, as well as drug and alcohol abuse, and generally don’t have a means to connect the difficulties of their early life with their current problems. Musil hopes her film will address this.

“BRATS: Our Journey Home” is a two-hour documentary narrated by “adult brat,” Kris Kristofferson, and featuring General Norman Schwarzkopf. It can be seen on Discovery’s Military Channel during the month of December. The North American television premiere is on Friday, December 10, 2010, at 9 p.m. EST. For more details about the film go to www.bratsfilm.com

"Oftentimes We're It for that Child"

2010-12-08T07:12:00.000-08:00

Angelica Jordan, a second- and third-grade Spanish teacher at Mannheim Elementary School in Mannheim, Germany, was honored yesterday at the Pentagon as the 2011 Defense Department Education Activity’s Teacher of the Year.The Teacher of the Year program honors the contribution excellent, committed teachers make to the quality of life for military families in the fourteen districts serving military children around the world.

“DOD teachers are experts at welcoming brand new students into the classroom and wishing them farewell when they [move],” she said. “Military teachers understand that, often times, we’re it for that kid. A parent may be deployed in harm’s way, and the parent that’s home is working and taking care of the kids and doing everything they can to keep it together for that year.”

Jordan taught at-risk youth in Minnesota for nine years before taking an assignment with DoDEA. “I felt truly called to be part of the military community where I can make a difference in the life of a child, because I felt like I could understand their worries and fears about losing a parent,” she said. “Their parents could be deployed, and they may or not come home, and I can really relate to military kids, because I was missing a parent.”

“When the kids come to our classroom, they deserve to be loved and respected,” she said, “and when kids come to DoDEA schools, they need to know that it’s going to be consistent, that it’s going to be the same every day, and that they are going to be cared for.” The photo to the right shows some of the children at Mannheim Elementary School.

Coming to the Pentagon helped Jordan to realize that “I am part of more than Mannheim Elementary School, that I’m a part of more than DOD Europe. I’m part of a huge system that’s here to support the teachers, and my primary role is supporting military families.”

Watching Over You

2010-12-07T06:54:00.000-08:00

For the youngest children who serve in our military, those under five, a new storybook has just come out that might make a perfect gift. Dear Baby, I'm Watching Over You written by Carol Casey and illustrated by Mark Braught, is written as a love letter from a parent to a child, explaining at the child’s level what service to country means and why a parent is away so much of the time.The idea is to convey the parent’s continuing deep love even when he or she is not there to show it.

An especially sweet feature of the book is a "Roll Call" page where the person who has read this to or with a child can write his or her name and the date. The book also comes with a yearbook feature to write down memories of the year to share upon the parent’s return.

One Amazon reviewer says, “I read this book to my 3 year old son. It was given to us as a gift. It is such a great book about how the military member truly misses and watches over their babies/kids. I have read it over and over and it never fails, I always tear up. I would give this book to anyone going through a deployment with children.”

Another says, “This is the perfect book for the young child (ages 3-5) whose parent has deployed. Each illustration perfectly captures the everyday life of the child waiting at home matched with the everyday life of the parent who's away. This book will help bridge the gap and drive home the message of love from parent to child and back again.”

A third adds, “This book does an amazing job of explaining why mom/dad has to deploy. I have two children, 3 and 5, who have went through multiple deployments and really enjoy reading the book. I would recommend Dear Baby, I'm Watching Over You to any family with little ones who have questions about why their parent has to leave.”

"A Duty to Care"

2010-12-06T06:38:00.000-08:00

The price of war on military children is exacted not only here. An article, Supporting Families Of The Fallen, taken from a British website describes the situation there. As of September 2010, 338 British lives have been lost in Afghanistan, many of them leaving families behind.

“Families of service men who are killed in action face a number of challenges in addition to their tragic loss; often having to move out of Army accommodation and finding themselves without an active support network,” the article says. “Anyone who has lost a loved one will know how impossible a situation that is to find oneself in – especially when small children are involved.”

The article lists a few of the resources available. The Royal British Legion offers financial support and legal services to the families of servicemembers killed in the war. Veterans-UK offers a support line and links to other service organizations.

Winston’s Wish is a UK charity that works with bereaved children in general. Unsurprisingly, they are seeing an increase in calls regarding military children, and now offer a special helpline for them.

Associations and charities associated with specific regiments offer support to families as well. This is effective because it is more personal, since others in the regiment might know the families or at least feel a stronger connection to them.

A new charity, Families of the Fallen, is an umbrella organization helping to raise funds for these and other organizations “Ordinary people across the UK can be thanked for the donations they have offered and continue to offer – even during the tough financial times of recent years,” the article says. “Our generosity as a nation shines through.”

“With uncertainly around how long the British involvement in Afghanistan is set to continue,” it concludes, “the number of families in need of support is only likely to grow in the future.[...]However opposed anyone may be to the reasons behind going to war or the fact of our continued presence in the region, there are very few who can deny that we have, as a society, a duty of care to those who are in need – and that the bereaved families of soldiers killed in action most certainly need all the support, both financial and otherwise, that we can afford to give.”

Of Thee I Sing

2010-12-05T07:04:00.000-08:00

If you are looking for a book to give a child during the holiday season, you might want to consider President Obama’s children’s book, Of Thee I Sing. Written by Obama before he took office, the book celebrates a country "made up of people of every kind," where individuals across the spectrum make unique contributions.

The group includes five women and eight men, ranging from our nation’s legendary heroes such as George Washington and Abraham Lincoln; to civil rights leaders Martin Luther King and César Chávez; to artists Georgia O'Keefe, Maya Lin, and Billie Holiday; and to a wide range of others including Sitting Bull, immigrant American Albert Einstein, Jackie Robinson, Neil Armstrong), Jane Addams, and Helen Keller.

Each of these, Obama writes, "made bright lights shine by sharing their unique gifts and giving us courage to lift one another up ... to work and build upon all that is good in our nation."

"Have I told you that they are all a part of you?" he asks his daughters, to whom the book is addressed. "Have I told you that you are one of them and that you are the future?"

Barack Obama has already established himself as a successful author of adult books with both his memoir "Dreams from My Father" and his political book "The Audacity of Hope" enjoying solid sales around the globe.

Of Thee I SIng, features features illustrations by popular children's book artist Loren Long ("Otis") as well as collaborations with other notables including Madonna and Frank McCourt.

But here’s the best part: Obama will not receive any profits from the book. All post-tax proceeds from sales of "Of Thee I Sing" will be donated to a scholarship fund for the children of soldiers who have been killed or disabled. You can buy a beautiful book and know that not a token donation but all the proceeds will be helping others. And by the way, if you are considering buying Sarah Palin’s new book, please note that she has expressed no such generosity. Last I heard, the profits from her best seller are all going to her.

The Gift of a Skill

2010-12-04T07:00:00.000-08:00

This is such a great, original, and creative way to support military spouses! This Sunday in Laguna Beach, CA the Sawdust Art Festival will host an arts education day for spouses of deployed servicemembers during their Winter Fantasy show.

Ten military spouses will come from nearby Camp Pendleton to take a vocational jewelry class. Sawdust Board Member, Marla Burns, will be teaching skills in jewelry-making, which will enable the participants to produce jewelry as an income-producing activity, with very little outlay in tools or supplies. “The reception we have gotten from Camp Pendleton has been great. We are all excited about being able to give back. I visited the VA hospital and I learned that some of the spouses are looking for ways of additional income. This jewelry-making class will also give them something to take their minds off waiting for their deployed spouses to return,” said Burns.

The skills taught will include stamping, dapping, planishing and metal-smithing in both silver and copper. Students will create an original set of earrings and a pendant to take home.

The spouses’ children are also invited to the Sawdust grounds on Sunday to take an “Animal Ornament Class” at the Children’s Art Spot, while their parents are in the jewelry class. The festival entrance fee, supplies, equipment, instruction, lunch at Deb’s Deli and popcorn, snacks, and candies are all included. The photo is of children enjoying fake snow in sunny Southern California

The festival is located at the Sawdust Art Festival, 935 Laguna Canyon Road, Laguna Beach, CA 92651. For additional information, please visit www.sawdustartfestival.org or call 949-494-3030.

A Military Child's Life on the Page

2010-12-03T06:46:00.000-08:00

As an author, I know how valuable writing can be for exploring experiences and feelings. I’ve been looking for poems and stories written by military children, but so far I haven’t found anything in print, although there’s a good website for this at A Backpack Journalist. I was glad to see a storybook of poems for young children, though, not just because they are important in and of themeselves but might inspire some new poets among the children themselves. The book is Military Life: Stories and Poems for Children, illustrated by Quinette Cook, with contributions by a number of authors.

This collection focuses on many different aspects of military life--moving, to a new town, making new friends, deployment, homecoming, and the like. The titles give a sense of the range.

Just Like You! by Julie LaBelle
My Space by Donna Portelli
Best Friends by Judy Hissong
My Daddy Jumps Today by Michelle Tonsmeire
Mama's Been Called Up by Charlene Kochensparger
Saying Goodbye by Peggie Brott
The Good Day by Alison Buckholtz
Holding Mom's Kite by Jennifer Jesseph
When Mommy Comes Home by Amy Houts
When Daddy Comes Home by Amy Houts
Love Letters by Karen Pavlicin
It's Five O'Clock by Cindy Shaw
Good Night by Christy Lyon

Unfortunately the images on the website are not high enough resolution to read the pages, so I can’t offer an opinion about their quality or tone, but it’s a $12.95 paperback of around 50 pages, so it seems worth a try if you have a child in mind who might benefit from seeing and hearing his or her experience reflected on the printed page. It’s available from major wholesalers and retailers, www.MilitaryFamilyBooks.com, and Amazon.com.To order direct, please call 651-357-8770.

To learn more, check out http://www.elvaresa.com/pressML.html

War Changes People

2010-12-02T07:12:00.000-08:00

An excellent article appeared this week on the Parent Map website. In War Changes People, author Linda Morgan discusses in detail the psychological toll faced by today’s military families.After eight years of war, more than 200,000 military marriages have failed — 27,000 last year alone. When a spouse goes off to war, 20 percent of marriages fall apart within two years. Apparently it just isn’t possible for many couples to handle the stress of the two worlds they face--deployment and its many difficulties for both spouses, and the return of a changed partner, which can be even worse.

“We’ve seen the news stories,” Morgan writes. “A soldier returns from Iraq or Afghanistan. He surprises his son at school, or his wife at work. Joy ensues. Everyone is deliriously happy and seems to disappear into some gentle, glowing sunset, destined to live blissfully ever after. Reality is much more complicated.”

A case in point is her profile of Jill Morgenthaler, now a consultant with the Department of Homeland Security. It’s a success story--she and her family held together. Most do. But deployment and homecomings were harder than she imagined, even after a thirty-year military career. As a reservist, she was deployed twice, once to Bosnia and, in 2004, to Iraq.

That year in Iraq was among the war’s most dangerous, she says, but typically, she mostly worried about her family while they mostly worried about her. “He had the job, the kids, the carpooling and the care,” she says. “It hurt his work; he couldn’t stay late at the office.” By comparison, she felt her job wa

s easy.

When she came home, she “had a very short fuse and no patience for bureaucracy or unimportant things,” and loud, booming sounds give her flashbacks. Many returning servicemembers have this problem with many things the rest of us take for granted--not being able to see around corners, going into dark enclosed spaces, hearing loud noises. “I’m fine on July 4,” Morganthaler says, “but when people set off fireworks ahead of time, my whole body goes stiff. I have to resist the impulse to dive under the table.”

Though Morgenthaler’s children were proud of her (“My son thought he had the coolest mom in ninth grade”), their resentment of her absences bubbled up frequently when things she had missed while she was gone were the subject of discussion. She also had marital problems. “I felt like I was living with a stranger,” she says. “When you’re separated more than six months, the fabric of the family starts to break.”

The lives of the other 98 percent of us are so different, it may be hard to understand who someone would choose such a difficult and dangerous way of life. “I’ve helped make lives better,” Morgenthaler says. How does she feel about the fact that her 18-year-old daughter is considering a military career? “I’d love that,” she says.

Capturing Kids' Hearts

2010-12-01T06:56:00.000-08:00

It’s nice to see young people thinking through ways to help military children in their community. An article by Todd Glasscock in theTaylor (Texas) Daily Press describes how Renee Clark’s Teen Leadership Program at Taylor Middle School recently worked a concession stand at two Taylor Middle School football games, and decided to help children of military families get toys with the money they earned.The seventh and eighth graders will shop for toys for the children of Alpha Troop 1-112th Cavalry based in Taylor, which will be returning from Iraq this month.

This is the first year of the Teen Leadership Program, Clark said, part of the school district’s “Capturing Kids Hearts” mission, promoting teachers and students in developing compassionate relationships as a way of figuring out what is important to them and how to treat others.

“All in all,” Clark says, I would say the majority (of students) have grown and by the end of the year will hopefully have developed into more well-rounded mature young adults. We’re just trying to make them well-rounded.”

“We want to give back to the community,” said Teen Leadership student Xavier Washington. “Anything you ask, we’ll do it.”

Making Spirits Bright

2010-11-30T06:52:00.000-08:00

Since 2005, the national Christmas Tree Association has been providing free trees for military families as part of its Christmas Spirit Foundation, a 501(c)(3) charitable organization. ItsTrees for Troops program works with FedEx and with local growers and tree lot operators to get live Christmas trees into the homes of military children living overseas. Live trees are an expense many stateside families can’t afford, and they are served as well by this program.

Between 2005 and 2009, 66,733 trees were donated by 800 growers to 54 military bases and 44 weekend lots in 29 states. Last year alone, 16,651 trees were donated.

If this is a program you’d like to support, you can do so by purchasing and donating trees or by making a donation to help cover other costs of the program.

Donate now

Contribute through the Combined Federal Campaign: CFC#12283

Quite a Pair

2010-11-29T06:48:00.000-08:00

I wrote yesterday about PAIRS, mentioning that although it was designed for couples, it is a good approach to building strong families as well. Seth Eisenberg, President of PAIRS. blogged recently about a mother and daughter, called only by their first names, Mary and Abigail, are using the skills they learned in PAIRS to strengthen their relationship while dad is deployed.

“After the course itself ended with the fourth online session, Mary and Abigail continued to participate in additional online classes to become certified PAIRS Essentials instructors,” Eisenberg writes. “Throughout the program, Abigail talked about how much the experience was helping her personally and also her family. She said she wanted to help other kids and their parents learn to be closer too.”

Abigail,11, reports that using the DTR (Daily Temperature Reading--see yesterday’s entry for details) enabled her to understand herself better, improved he self-esteem, and helped her get along with others. They not only use it with each other, but with Abigail’s deployed father, Edgard, on their frequent voice and video chats.

As for a recent situation that might in earlier days have turned into a conflict, “[it] didn’t even feel like an argument,” Mary said. “Abigail approached me with a request that I listen to her. She shared how she felt when I told her to do things instead of asking. She said that felt like she was being bossed around. We talked about times I could ask instead of tell.”

“Afterwards,” Mary continued, “we shared our agreement with dad. He agreed with what we’d worked out and said he’d participate too.”

“It felt very good,” Abigail said. “I got to express myself and also let mom know I understand how it is for her. It will help us be closer.”

“Thousands of miles from the battlefield, Mary and Abigail are on the front lines of their own campaign to help families stay strong, connected, and supportive of loved ones during long periods of absence,” Eisenberg says. “Long after the stress and images of war have faded, their efforts will make a lasting difference for many.”

Here’s the link to the PAIRS Foundation. It’s not just for military families, by the way, but it’s good to know the foundation is focusing much of its effort there.

Wishing, Wondering, and Talking

2010-11-28T07:31:00.000-08:00

Research shows that long term and stressful situations like combat produce a sense of alienation from those who did not share the experience. This has a profound effect on servicemembers and their ability to to make a happy and effective return to their families. Research also shows that belief that one can talk meaningfully with and confide in a close friend or family member is an important factor in recovery from PTSD and other forms of combat-related stress.

Acknowledging this, programs have been created to help military couples both pre- and post-deployment. PAIRS, a 501 (c) (3) non-profit organization established in 1983, is one of those programs. According to its website, is mission is “to teach those attitudes, emotional understandings, and behaviors that nurture and sustain healthy relationships and to make this knowledge broadly available on behalf of a safer, saner, more loving world.” They work toward this mission by “developing and delivering evidence-based, best practices in marriage, family and fatherhood education, conducting research, and training instructors worldwide.” From what I can ascertain, it appears that the program is secular and non-denominational, giving it appeal to servicemembers across the spectrum.

PAIRS Foundation's collaboration with the Charlie Norwood Medical Center was recognized in 2009 by the Veterans Administration as the "Best Practice in Marriage Enrichment." Although some workshops are done in the conventional, on-site way, much of the PAIRS curriculum is conducted through online workshops. All of the activities are meant to be self-empowering, meaning that they can be brought into everyday life without need for mediation by a counselor.

PAIRS is not just for military families, but they are an important part of its clientele. One of the nicest activities of PAIRS is the Daily Temperature Reading (DTR), which I noted by following this link is now available as a free iPhone app! It will provide a good refresher course or plan of action for anyone, military or not, who is looking to strengthen the relationship with a significant other, whether between partners or parent and child.

The DTR consists of five areas for communication and reflection:

APPRECIATIONS: This means sincere and specific acknowledgment of the partner. Vague flattery is not the point. It’s about showing you notice the favor your partner fit into a busy day, or a loving text message you received, or remembering to buy your favorite flavor of ice cream. “No matter what stage or situation your relationship is in, we can always find something to genuinely appreciate in another person. Be generous in your acknowledgments and affirmations of those whose lives you witness. Your heartfelt words will help maintain goodwill, boost self-worth and self-esteem, and create an environment in which you can work together.”

NEW INFORMATION: Be intentional about keeping each other up-to-date on what’s happening in your life, whether it’s something significant or relatively minor. It’s special to be the person with whom one’s significant other shares his or her life, to know things no one else knows, and to hear things first. Though some people abuse this with constant communication, it’s more likely for couples to know very little about the other’s life when they are apart.

PUZZLES: Relationships can get into trouble over assumptions an rwactions that weren’t really warranted by the facts. Puzzles validates our desire to ask questions about things that might be confusing or bothersome. This one can be tough to initiate, I imagine. It’s not about giving or getting a grilling, and needs to be “grounded in goodwill, respect, empathy, and openness to learning.” Puzzles can provide a framework for asking why a partner is getting home later than usual from work the last few weeks, or why he or she seems set on buying a new car. “I’m puzzled about...” will start the conversation, and the listener can respond with information, or perhaps just say that they’ll give your question some thought and answer later, or simply thank you for sharing and leave it at that. All it offers is the opportunity, and all answers may proved clarifying in different ways.

CONCERNS WITH RECOMMENDATIONS: “Rarely are differences themselves destructive to relationships; frequently, however, the ways couples, families and co-workers deal with differences is destructive.” A safe and supportive environment for working through concerns is essential to a strong, trusting relationship. Sharing a Concern with a Recommendation, requires you to be specific about the behavior you’re concerned about without attacking, judging, or blaming; to share how you feel (not think) when the behavior happens; and to ask for exactly what you want instead. For example, “When you take over all the space on the coffee table with your books and magazines, I feel as if I am not equally important in this house. I’d like it if you could find another place to put things you aren’t actually reading at the moment, so I can have room for my own things too.” Or, “when you didn’t bring home my new jacket from the dry cleaners, like you promised, I felt a little disrespected, because I was counting on having it for that important meeting tomorrow. In the future, I really need you either to do what you say you will do, or if there’s a problem, let me know in enough time to do it myself.” Concerns with Recommendations may not result in changes in behavior, but it can open discussion and lead to greater mutual consideration.

WISHES, HOPES, DREAMS: “Creating a life in which our dreams have an opportunity to come true involves actively (and passionately) sharing them with others; enrolling those closest to us to support and encourage the fulfillment of our goals and ambitions; and waking up each day learning the lessons and taking the actions necessary to breathe life and potential into those dreams we most desire.” Regularly sharing your wishes, hopes and dreams with each other makes teams out of couples, and increases the chances those dreams can come true.

All Those Secrets of the World

2010-11-27T07:09:00.000-08:00

If you are looking for a holiday gift for a military toddler, this might be the perfect one. Jane Yolen’s ALL THOSE SECRETS OF THE WORLD, illustrated with soft, reassuring watercolors by Leslie Baker, is based on the author’s earliest memories of her father’s deployment in World War II.

Janie, the four-year-old in the story, doesn’t understand where or why her father is going, but she gets caught up in the excitement of going to the boat and getting an ice cream, although she notices her mother cries all the way home.

Later, Janie is on the beach with her cousin, and when she asks about the tiny specks on the horizon and he tells her they are ships, she doesn’t believe him. This is one of the secrets of the title, for he tells her that things that are far away look small.

When her father finally returns after two years, the first thing he tells her is how much bigger she is. "Now you are here, so I am big," Janie tells him.

According to Book List, “This timely, nostalgic story is told with simple grace, and Janie's thoughts and experiences are believably childlike. Baker's ( The Third-Story Cat ) watercolors are poignant, evocative and contain just the right amount of sentimentality.”

This is a Reading Rainbow book choice.

"Making This War Visible"

2010-11-26T06:55:00.000-08:00

Speaking recently before the World Congress on Disabilities in Dallas, Navy Admiral and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Mike Mullen discussed the challenges of health care, education and employment for veterans returning from America's wars. He is in the middle of a 'Conversation with the Country' tour across America, to discuss concerns and get ideas from people in communities large and small about how to strengthen military families, improve education opportunities and provide the best quality of life now and in the future for servicemembers, veterans, and their families.

Those veterans have sacrificed tremendously, and are on average 20 to 25 years old, Mullen is quoted as saying in an article by Karen Parrish of the American Forces Press Service. “They are wired to serve." If they can make a successful transition from the military to civilian life, he added, they will be an asset to the nation and the world for decades to come.”

Just giving veterans a slap on the back and wishing them luck in their new civilian life is not acceptable anymore, Mullen said. Many things have changed that make adjustment problems and our awareness of them more acute now. Mullen is stark about this. "I've got 40,000 physically wounded, I've got hundreds of thousands with [post-traumatic stress] ... and that model is the same model that generated a homeless level, post-Vietnam ... that we're still dealing with 50, 60 years later,"

There’s a great deal of support for servicemembers and veterans today, but for many of us, they are not our friends and neighbors and its a bit fuzzy how to help. “You may live in a community and not have a clue who's there, as they return," Mullen points out.

"We live in an extraordinary time of change," he said. "The wounds of these wars are different, and they have caused [the military] in many cases to look at things differently. We've changed – in medicine, we've changed how we handle people on the battlefield. Now, if you are brought to the right medical facility within an hour, almost ... without discrimination about the kind of wound, you have a 95 percent chance to survive." Now, going on with life with often traumatic and seriously debilitating injuries is the challenge.

One of the most pressing new issues, as a result of the opposition’s tactics in these current wars, is mild to moderate brain injuries from blasts. We now know that immediate treatment of brain injuries can lessen their long-term consequences. "We're moving now, literally in our tenth year [of war], for better treatment of those kinds of injuries on the battlefield,” Mullen said. "We've since shifted dramatically on the battlefield, to pull people out of the fight in the case of any blast, and to evaluate them immediately." before transitioning them to longer term care.

A bigger concern for the general is PTSD and its effect not only on the servicemember but his or her family. “Getting (servicemembers) to raise their hand and ask for help is truly difficult. We're starting to break through on that ... but in addition to members who have PTS, there are spouses and children who have PTS-like symptoms," he said.

"If I am an 11- or 12-year-old right now, I have only known war, and I have seen my father or my mother less than half my life." Military children now going off to college may have spent junior high and high school seeing next to nothing of their deployed parent or parents. It’s hard to know what impact this will have on their future.

"Initially, it was deploy. Then it was get ready for the return from deployment, how do we prepare for that. Then it was get ready for the next deployment," Mullensaid. "And what we've found out is we have to start building resilience in every single one of us, from the first day of basic training."

Mullen’s wife has been a help to him in understanding the pressures of military life on spouses and families. She has taught him that "we're in a time when we're just not going to be able to move people like we did ... it's education, it's kids in school, it's spouse careers. We're going to have to be based, I think, in places longer than we have in the past."

"Particularly guardsmen and women, and [reservists], who live in every single corner of this country," he said. "They live in rural areas where medical care is not that great. They live in small communities where schools are small – and my ability to reach out to those teachers and touch them, and educate them about what a young boy or girl is going through, is still a challenge."

All of that, he said, is "part of making this war visible, having leaders understand this, and then try to figure out local solutions."

A Look at the Future on Thanksgiving Day

2010-11-25T06:59:00.000-08:00

A Navy Seal, married with three children, posted this message on his door during his hospitalization for seven bullet wounds to the face received in Iraq. "If you're coming into this room with sorrow, or to feel sorry for my wounds, go elsewhere. The wounds I received I got in a job I love, doing it for people I love, supporting the freedom of a country I deeply love.

"I'm incredibly tough and will make a full recovery. What is full? That is the absolute utmost physically my body has the ability to recover. Then I will push that about 20 percent further through sheer mental tenacity. This room you are about to enter is a room full of fun, optimism, and intense rapid regrowth. If you are not prepared for that, go elsewhere.”

If you need an image to hold before you to keep in mind our servicemembers, veterans and their families this Thanksgiving, that is a good one. If you need another, imagine a grim-faced man or woman contemplating a gun in an empty room, ready to end all that he or she cannot endure after serving our country. Suicides are at a record level in our military. Or a third: picture the last grizzled, homeless man sitting next to his “Homeless Vietnam Vet” sign near a shopping mall, and then tell yourself that his generation will soon be gone, but another, larger one, suffering traumatic brain injury and PTSD at record levels, will be sitting in their places.

Now think about the thousands of active duty servicemembers having Thanksgiving dinner at their bases in Iraq and Afghanistan. Will we fail them when they come home needing us? Will we work with them to merge their strength and battle-readiness for the new challenges of their lives with an equal national resolve of our own?

I am thankful to be spared these things, and I imagine you are too, but this Thanksgiving, let’s find time to remember that veterans who struggle have human stories too, and that they are often marked indelibly, and tragically, with the scars of serving so we don’t have to. Let's make sure our gratitude extends to genuine compassion for them.

Ready, Sweat, Go!

2010-11-24T06:42:00.000-08:00

Jacksonville Jaguars football head coach Jack Del Rio has found a personal way to help military children. Earlier in the year, Del Rio learned that the military children attending public schools in the Jacksonville area ranked near the bottom in the nation in physical fitness as measured by the President’s Challenge Physical Fitness Test. Alarmed by the implications to the health of the many military children in the area, the Jack Del Rio Foundation created the “Ready, Sweat, Go!” program, aimed at promoting a healthy, active lifestyle.

On Oct. 5, Jaguars players Leger Douzable, William Middleton and Zach Potter launched the program by coming to teach participants the proper way to do the activities in the Physical Fitness Test, such as sit-ups, push-ups, and jump rope. The goal is to pass the fitness test in March 2011.

Seven weeks later, many of the children who spent their after-school time in the Naval Station Mayport fitness center were making great progress and it was time for a reward. Nearly 100 children were recognized at Mayport’s Youth Activity Center for their participation in Del Rio’s program.

Jacksonville Jaguars football players Brock Bolen and Kevin Haslam came to the youth center to give autographs, handed out prizes and talk with the children. Every participant received a certificate but some went home with great prizes, such as autographed footballs and tickets to a Jaguars game.

“We’re very fortunate to have the Jack Del Rio Foundation because it promotes a healthy lifestyle to these kids,” said Capt. Doug Cochrane, commanding officer, Naval Station Mayport. “This program involves physical activity, nutrition and success. The kids really look up to these guys and it has an impact on them. They also portray these players as role models at the same time!”

“Everyone did their best and I’m very proud of every one of you,” Del Rio said at the awards ceremony.. “It’s important to be active and this is something to get you together and encourage each other, but also to have fun.”

(source: Jacob Sippel, “Mayport Kids Recognized for Hard Work”)

Operation Hero

2010-11-23T07:11:00.000-08:00

The Langley Airman and Family Readiness Center has a great idea to help children understand their servicemember parents’ military life. Now in its eighth year, Operation Hero gives Air Force children an opportunity to simulate the deployment experience in a way that is fun and reassuring.

Children received a situation briefing, outlining their mission of recovering the fictitious Lt. Col. Mock's puppy, Buster, from terrorist captivity in an area amusement park.

They receive their orders, get fitted in protective gear, get some hands-on gear training, learn about self- and buddy aid, don concealment face paint, and of course get a "mobility kit” full of snacks to keep them from starving while they complete their mission.

Exhibits and demonstrations allow the children to learn about aspects of service they might find most interesting or exciting--touring military vehicles, seeing military working dogs in action, and watching weapons demonstrations.

"This experience teaches children what their parents do at work and during deployments," said Tech. Sgt. Letrecia Williams, AFRC program coordinator, in an article by Airman 1st Class Jason J. Brown, 633d Air Base Wing Public Affairs.

"It's a fantastic venue for children to understand what their parents do to defend our country," said Chief Master Sgt. Charles Anderson, 633d Air Base Wing command chief.

No Money, No Relief

2010-11-22T07:25:00.000-08:00

We’ve probably all been hurt in some way, or at least frightened by the economic downturn, but as we are often reminded, it’s often those who are already disadvantaged who are hurt first, and hardest. USA Today’s story, Donor's millions for military causes drying up tells of how one of the best programs for military children, Operation Purple Camp, is threatened with extinction, along with dozens of other compassionate and effective services for limitary children. Operation Purple camps provide children of deployed or wounded servicemembers, and military families struggling to rebuild their relationships after deployment, a chance (as one military wife and mother put it) "to have fun and smile and not worry all the time."

Between 2005 and 2009, Californian David Gelbaum gave $275 million to charities supporting servicemembers,veterans and their families through an organization he called the Iraq and Afghanistan Deployment Impact Fund. It was the largest individual donation ever made for this purpose. The money is now running out. Gelbaum invested hundreds of millions of dollars in green-technology start-ups that have not yet, or may never, return the investment. Ninety percent of his fortune has now gone to charity or taxes, Gelbaum estimates, and he lacks the means to continue his fund. His contributions supported more than 50 non-profit organizations, which are all now facing drastic reductions or closure.

The National Military Family Association says 7,500 fewer children will go to Operation Purple camps next year unless other funding is found. Air Compassion for Veterans, which provides convalescing troops with airline tickets to travel home for the holidays has turned down over 100 requests in the last few weeks for lack of funds. It also buys commercial air tickets or air ambulance services for servicemembers who need to fly to medical appointments or for families reuniting with wounded loved ones Since the money dried up last June,they have filled only 18 percent of requests. The Pathway Home, a residential and day treatment center for servicemembers and veterans with mental health and brain injury problems has cut bed capacity from 46 to 28, and is running now on dwindling funds. Swords to Plowshares provides free legal assistance to about 440 Iraq and Afghanistan veterans fighting denial of benefits. Losing funding dramatically reduces their opportunity for the legal representation they need to be able to get on with their lives.

The end of Gelbaum’s funding, coupled with the uncertainty of federal funds, means that half the 10,000 grants provided to children of deployed National Guard and reserve troops for tutoring, sports and fine arts programs each year, according to Linda Davidson, executive director of Our Military Kids.With the end of Gelbaum’s funding, Homes for Our Troops lost 30% of its revenue. Since 2004, the non-profit program has built or is building 100 specially adapted houses for severely wounded Iraq and Afghanistan veterans. The Coming Home Project sponsored a number of retreats to train health providers who care for veterans. Only one retreat is set for next year, and that has yet to be funded by another means.

In this week of giving thanks, perhaps you can take a minute to think about giving a little to one of these charities or to another benefiting military families. The need is great, and our obligation is obvious.

Toy Soldiers

2010-11-21T09:42:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I wrote my one-hundredth post on this blog. I started in August with the idea of using it to learn about military children and share that information with others, like me, who are among the 98 percent of Americans who do not serve. Since then I have blogged every day on many different things--profiles of people making a difference, book reviews, special events and programs--but mostly on the serious issues affecting the present quality of life and the futures of military children and their parents.

What I have learned worries me deeply. It’s clear now that the all-volunteer army worked far better in peace than it does in war. We’ve gone to war with a volunteer army in the past because patriotism, a clear vision of victory, and a belief in the war’s necessity brought sufficient numbers to enlistment centers. We’ve gone to war with draftees too, but either way, we had the troops we needed and the means to spread the sacrifice more widely across the population (the inequities in the draft are a subject for another time).

If the atrocities and the perceived pointlessness of the VIetnam War were the spark, the draft was the fuse in the explosion of discontent and protest that rocked the country and shut down support for the war. Everyone had a stake in the Vietnam War, and everyone had an opinion. Everyone felt entitled to be heard. Many felt entitled to be exceptions to the draft, but I remember clearly what a cloud it was over everyone’s life.

Now, with an all-volunteer military, that cloud is gone. Service is someone else’s problem. Ninety-eight percent of us serve our country only by the taxes we pay. Imagine the howls of protest if George Bush had invaded Iraq and simultaneously announced a widespread call-up of young civilians and told them to be ready to serve in ninety days. Need I say that the support for the war would not have been there? Need I say that we would have risen up claiming our right to be consulted, to understand, and to approve? Our representatives did the consulting, understanding, and approving for us, but they are part of the problem, because almost all of them are among the 98 percent insulated from familial sacrifice by today’s volunteer military.

What we had just after 9/11 was a military of toy soldiers, taken out of the box because their owner decided to be a war president. Like toy soldiers, our enlisted men had no voice. Like a rainy day game played in a child’s bedroom, there was no one from the outside watching, no one to influence the direction of the game, or suggest another.

Now, a decade later, we have a real crisis within our country, because we are developing a separate military class poorly integrated into the society as a whole. We have two unpopular and controversial wars that few want to risk their lives for, and no one is required to. Lack of an adequate number of recruits and the need for the skills servicemembers have developed results in pressure (and enticement) to re-enlist. Thus the same people go off to war again and again--some now leaving on their fifth long deployment in ten years. Most of us are aware of their existence only when we see the faces of the dead on the news. They’re not from our neighborhood, for the most part. For many of us, it’s rare to see anyone from our town or even our state. They serve so we don’t have to, and we don’t know them at all.

We have a military made up largely of young people, many of them parents. Their families suffer enormous stress as a result of nearly continuous deployment. Mental health problems are growing among children whose father or mother are chronically absent under frightening and dangerous conditions. Parenting deteriorates with chronic stress, and children are more likely to be neglected or abused. Children fall behind or are poorly integrated into schools when they attend one or more different schools a year. When deployed parents return they are often not the same person who left as a result of physical or psychological injuries, and even in the best of situations, reentry into marriage and family is stressful and often destabilizing. Many returning servicemembers will not seek help if they need it for PTSD or other mental problems, and they may self-treat with drugs, vent through acts of domestic violence, or withdraw from their loved ones. Many children will live out the remainder of their years at home in these stressful situations.

The military is a steady job with benefits in a time of frightening unemployment and shrinking educational options. Many servicemembers join for this reason, and once in, many re-enlist because the bonus looks good and their prospects on the outside do not. Indeed the military has been and will continue to be the best option for many young men and women. Some will decide on military careers, and others will count the days from the moment they first don their uniform. It’s always been that way.

It takes effort to remain in compassionate, caring community with people we do not know, and military families will remain resilient whether or not we demonstrate our concern. The question is if we want to be a nation that feels invested in our military--and each one of its members--as a force that serves our common good, even when we don’t agree about what that is. Or do we prefer to have a separate and invisible class who goes to war when they are told to, by a government confident we won’t feel sufficiently impacted to raise much of a fuss?

A Dose of Reality for the Rest of Us

2010-11-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

Some people wonder what the fuss is about military children. They have at least one working parent (even if deployed), one parent at home (usually), a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, and something many Americans do not--health insurance.

Bruce Lesley, President of First Focus, a bipartisan advocacy organization dedicated to making children and families a priority in federal policy and budget decisions, has written a superb blog entry in the Huffington Post this morning. In “Our Military Families Under Fire” he and co-author Kate Sylvester, explain why such a view is misguided.

Military parents are for the most part young, near poverty, and coping with many stresses not found in most other families. According to Lesley and Sylvester, over a third of first-time military parents are 21 or younger. Stop for a minute to think about that. Under 21. Over a third.

Military pays starts at around $2,800 a month (including allowances for food and housing). “In the families of junior service members that have only one working parent and more than one child,” Lesley and Sylvester point out, “household incomes often fall below 200 percent of the federal poverty level -- the benchmark that child advocates suggest puts families at risk.” Many children attending DoD schools qualify for free or reduced lunches. 11.6 percent of military families are eligible to apply for Earned Income Tax Credit.

Multiple deployments are another stressor on families. Admiral Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, pointed out bluntly in a recent Veteran's Day address, "If you took any 11-year-old or younger military child, it's all they've known their whole lives." Why 11 years? That’s how long we’ve been at war. Five years from now, for many American children, it will just be a matter of adjusting their age in that statement, unless something changes.

The National Center for Children in Poverty recently released a study showing that one in five American children has a diagnosable mental health disorder, and that military children have an even higher incidence of emotional and behavioral problems. Just by virtue of being military children, they are now classified with children and youth in low-income households and those in the child welfare and juvenile justice systems, as at risk for mental health problems.

Wives with deployed husbands have more mental health issues than those whose husbandsare at home, a study on Army wives published earlier this year in the New England Journal of Medicine tells us. One study shows an alarming 42 percent rise in maltreatment of children during a combat parent's deployment, almost always at the hands of an overburdened, overstressed mother.

Only about half of returning servicemembers affected by PTSD or other mental problems seek help, and a recent Army study indicates that their new state of mind includes negative coping mechanisms such as substance abuse and domestic violence. According to Lesley and Sylvester, spousal abuse or child maltreatment has increased by 177 percent in 6 years.

When military service ends, the problems are just beginning for many young families. March 2010 Bureau of Labor Statistics figures show that unemployment rate for 18- to 24-year-old vets was 21 percent--double that of the general population. Many of these young veterans can't support their families, or realize they won’t be able to before their enlistment is up, and stay in the military for the safety net it provides. This, of course, continues and in many cases aggravates all the issues discussed above.

Serious, serious problems indeed.

An Exceptional Teacher

2010-11-19T07:07:00.000-08:00

I’ve talked a lot here about how important sensitive teachers are to the school experiences of military children, whose frequent moves and parental deployment can make life (and learning) difficult. This week a teacher in San Antonio, Texas provides an example of what these children--and all others--need.

Charli Mullen, a fifth grade teacher at Fort Sam Houston Elementary School received the KENS 5 SACU Golden Apple ExCEL Award. KENS5 is a news station in San Antonio; SACU is the credit union co-sponsoring the award.)"I want them to be lifelong learners and to love learning. I am not here to dump things in their head every day. It's an active participation. I tell them I'm here 100 percent (and) I want you to be here 100 percent, and together we are 200 percent and think of all the awesome things we can do with that," Mullen said in her interview on KENS5 (see the link above).

Mullen is especially sensitive to how it feels to have a loved one deployed, because she is experiencing it herself. Her husband, a Marine Corps officer is currently away on duty. "It makes me understand when they get upset or maybe their hurt feelings turn towards negative behavior. I can deal with it more appropriately," Mullen says.

"She knows how to make learning fun," says on student. Tellingly, another of her students says, “Of all the seven teachers I've had, Mrs.Mullen is the best one.” Fifth grade, seven teachers. If this wasn’t your school experience, try to picture starting over more than once a year. Everyone needs teachers like Charli Mullen, but some students are clearly more vulnerable than others, and we are blessed that she is having such an impact on these few.

With my posts this week about the possible closure of on-base schools, it’s time to think long about attracting more teachers like Mullen to schools serving the children who are serving too. Follow the link in this post to see this lovely, radiant young woman in action with her students.

Caring for Injured Families

2010-11-18T06:56:00.000-08:00

“Injury to a parent is a major threat to children of all ages and a challenge for even the most resilient of military families.” So says the National Child Traumatic Stress Network in the section of their website devoted to military families.

The Child and Family Program for the Study of Traumatic Stress (CSTS) is a Category II site of this network. This program conducts research and disseminates information about the impact of combat injury on service members, their families, and children.

The CSTS program has developed ten Principles of Caring for Combat Injured Families and their Children to guide the practice of medical and community service providers. The wording of these principles is loaded with jargon, which I will try to cut through here.

■■”Psychological first aid” is primary. Providing families with a feeling of safety and comfort, includes providing practical information and connection to available resources so the family can believe in its own effectiveness to handle the situation

■■ Medical care must be family focused. Families must continue to function and communicate and injury care must support this need.

■■ Service providers should anticipate a range of responses to combat injury. Most service members, their children and families will adjust in time but some may struggle with the consequences to their lives and even require treatment for their own problems.

■■ “Injury communication” is essential. Information should be timely, appropriate and accurate, but also “calibrated to address patient and family anxiety and to sustain hope.” Families uncertain how and what to tell their children should receive guidance from professionals.

■■ IInjured family treatment must be age appropriate.

■■ Injured Family care is a long-term commitment, extending all the way through the rehabilitation process. “Interventions must meet the family where it is within the recovery process, recognizing a family’s unique strengths and challenges, as well as anticipate its future needs through transition to a new community or new way-of-life.”

■■ Effective Injured Family care is a group effort. The family, the health care system, and military and civilian community resources are all parts of a collaboration.

■■ Care must be culturally competent. Healthcare and community professionals need cultural and language competence to work with families, traditional and otherwise, with varying ethnic and religious backgrounds.

■■ Barriers to effective service to the injured family must be addressed. “A community’s lack of awareness or misunderstanding of the needs of a combat injured family or a family’s reluctance to seek assistance (due to stigmatization) can also limit family intervention and recovery.”

■■ Families, communities and service providers must be knowledgeable. Quality educational materials to address the challenges that confront combat injured families must be accessible. These help families build skills and become empowered to survive and thrive in their changed world.

All very sensible and for the most part self-evident. This should provide an excellent checklist for evaluating, and proposing, services to help military families.

Update

2010-11-17T13:10:00.000-08:00

Update to today's post: Here is the itemized draft proposal from the Commission, as relates to the DoD budget:

Apply the overhead savings Secretary Gates has promised to deficit reduction

Freeze federal salaries, bonuses, and other compensation at the Department of Defense for three years

Freeze noncombat military pay at 2011 levels for 3 years

Double Secretary Gates’ cuts to defense contracting

Reduce procurement by 15 percent

Reduce overseas bases by one-third

Modernize Tricare, Defense health

Replace military personnel performing commercial activities with civilians

Reduce spending on Research, Development, Test & Evaluation by 10 percent

Reduce spending on base support

Reduce spending on facilities maintenance

Consolidate the Department of Defense’s retail activities.

Integrate children of military personnel into local schools in the United States

Apparently the commission isn't aware of the hundred of stories and testimonials that schools aren't yet doing an adequate job of serving military children. Where will the teachers, desks, books, supplies, and classrooms come from, or will they somehow, miraculously, be free?

On-Post Schools in Jeopardy?

2010-11-17T08:16:00.000-08:00

A disturbing story hit my inbox this morning about a new study from the National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform. The eighteen-member commission is due to report to President Obama in December about ways the Department of Defense budget could be cut to address the skyrocketing national debt. The commission apparently is going to propose cutting or eliminating on-base schools. The budget for these schools is approximately $1.8 billion.

School closures could have a profound effect on the education of military children. On-base schools have a number of advantages, including coordinated curriculum and testing, so that a child who transfers from one base to another steps into a familiar curriculum at the same point as his or her classmates. Post schools also have faculty and staff trained to deal with issues affecting military children, and extracurricular activities have their needs in mind.

If these school are poor quality, or seriously underattended, or problematic in some other way, I might feel differently, but on first learning of this proposal, I was stunned by the heartlessness of it. Military children pay such a price for their parents' service, and concerns for their welfare are increasingly well-documented and justified. To take something away from military children is the opposite of saying thank you. It also will simply shift burdens to public schools and services, eliminating nothing in the end. It is likely to be a false savings and possibly a very true loss. I will write more as I learn details. Please post a comment if you have any information.

Dancing Through Deployment

2010-11-16T07:28:00.000-08:00

I’ve written before about the program Our Military Kids (a link appears lower right on this page), but here is a heartening video about one family it is helping. Six-year-old Brooklynn Hammond’s father is part of a reserve unit deployed for a year to the Middle East. She lives in Eastern Idaho, away from many of the support services available to other military families. Her mother applied for a grant to pay for ballet lessons for Brooklynn, and she was recently filmed by a local television station as her class prepared for their holiday production of "The Nutcracker.” The video is so precious, it will warm your heart.

Our Military Kids, founded in 2004, provides many services to children of National Guard and Military Reserves, including scholarships for sports, arts and tutoring to help children through the deployment. Brooklynn’s father, Sergeant Blake Hammond, is on his first tour to the Middle East with the 116th cavalry brigade combat team. He will be gone a year. Brooklynn has a younger brother, still a toddler. With the support of other groups. like United Through Reading, which I profiled yesterday, the Hammond family can stay strong and unified through this difficult time.

Happy Holidays, Brooklynn! We're proud of you, your mom and brother, and your dad.

Stock photo of little ballerinas

Uniting Families Through Reading

2010-11-15T07:18:00.000-08:00

“Children become readers on the laps of their parents.” I heard this sentiment last evening at the Storybook Ball, the annual fundraising gala for United Through Reading. But what if one of those laps is halfway around the world?

I’ve written here before about the great work United Through Reading does for families of deployed servicemembers. It works with the USO here and around the world to give fathers and mothers a chance to read to their children. Servicemembers are videotaped reading their choice of story from the library maintained at the USO post, and then the videotape is mailed by United Through Reading to the child or children. It’s a simple idea but a very effective one. Here’s a video explaining the program.

http://www.unitedthroughreading.org/about/video.php

Last night we heard testimonials from some of the many affected by United Through Reading. Particularly touching were the images and stories of very young children--photos of them kissing the television screen while their parent was reading, or in the case of a little girl only five months old when her father deployed, recognizing him immediately when he came home at last. Another wonderful story is that of a teenager whose father was going to miss her high school graduation. He recorded the children’s book “The Places You’ll Go” for her, and made a treasured memory of a painful time.

Sometimes the memories created by United Through Reading are bittersweet. One woman wrote to say that a new DVD arrived a few days after they had received word the father who had made the recording was missing in action. They watched it not knowing whether he was alive or dead. Within a few minutes, they received the dreaded knock on the door. The “I love you” at the end of the recording had been his chance to say goodbye.

Founder Betty J. Mohlenbrock was a young mother and the military wife of a flight surgeon deployed during the Vietnam War. The consequences of her husband’s absence on their two-year-old daughter was made clear to her when her husband returned from duty and their little girl did not recognize him. A teacher and reading specialist, Betty founded United Through Reading in 1989. Since then, over one million children, parents and others have participated.

Support for United Through Reading comes primarily from private sources, and over 80% of the funds go directly to program expenses. It has the highest possible rating, four stars, from Charity Navigator, and it is a member of both the Combined Federal Campaign and the Better Business Bureau. It has received the Peter F. Drucker Award for Nonprofit Innovation, the Newman's Own Award, the James Patterson's PageTurner Award, San Diego Military Advisory Council Achievement Award, the Kaleidoscope Award for Exceptional Board Governance, and the Innovations in Reading Prize from the National Book Foundation.

If you are looking for a way to share the burden of our wars and would like to donate or volunteer, please call 858-481-7323 or go online to info@unitedthroughreading.org.

Just Don’t Humiliate Yourself, Vivian

2010-11-14T07:05:00.000-08:00

Photo Credit: Rachel, JRB Youth

A Backpack Journalist is a fabulous program which encourages and assists military children to find their voices through creative writing. I found this story on their site today, describing in her own words what a middle-schooler named Vivian felt like on her first day (in March!) in a new school.

Just don’t humiliate yourself today, Vivian. I mutter to myself as I nervously make my way down to the bus.

I step onto the bus. A whole bunch of unfamiliar strange faces, all gawking at me. Their eyes are like lasers burning holes into my head. I just ignore them quickly, finding a seat.

The whole bus ride is dreadful. Everybody is staring at me, asking me who the heck I am. I don’t want to be rude, but I try to just ignore most of them. They are the least of my worries right now. Besides, I can’t bring myself to speak words. I’m too nervous and shy.

***

T he moment I have been dreading for days is here. We have finally arrived at Trinity Springs Middle School.

I head straight to the office to get my schedule. It’s not yet time for school to start, so I explore the place. I notice that almost everybody has their little clique of friends that they stay together with.

That’s just great.

It’s March.

In the middle of the second semester.

Of course, everybody’s already chosen their friends. Which means it will be harder for me to make friends. I immediately wish I could be at home in my warm, cozy bed.

The bell rings. Time for first period.

I look at my schedule. Science- Room E112. I head upstairs, weaving in and out of the other students.

E112, E112, E112, where is E112?

I can’t find the room. I’m lost. Passing period is almost over. I scope through the hallways at least looking for the letter E somewhere.

But no E112.

Great. I’m going to be late to first period on my first day at a new school. I’m sure I look like a helpless loser trying to find a stupid classroom. The bell rings.

CRAP!

I AM late. Perfect.

I finally find the classroom about five minutes later. Palms sweating, heart racing, I grip the handle and open the door. I see I’ve interrupted the class. Every single head in the room immediately turns to me. I see the lasers again.

I ignore them and walk up to the teacher. She seems to be expecting me. She tells me to go find an empty seat. In my head, I gratefully thank her for not forcing me to introduce myself to the class.

The teacher begins the lesson of the day. I copy what everyone else is doing trying to look like I know what to do. I don’t want to look like an idiot on my first day, so I at least try to pay attention.

***

I make it through the next three periods, ignoring all the gawking and quiet whispers. When lunch time comes, I congratulate myself for making it through the morning without totally humiliating myself.

Lunch time. My next challenge.

The office had sent someone to show me the routine and help me through the lunch line. She even offered me to sit at her table with her friends.

I sit and try to enjoy lunch, and hopefully make a couple new friends.

***

The bell rings and it’s time for the last two periods of the day. Theatre Arts, and Art class — two of my favorite things, so I am feeling a little more confident.

I walk into the classroom, getting used to the routine of the head turning and staring. I introduce myself to the teacher. She’s short and friendly looking in the face.

“Just find a seat somewhere,” she tells me.

***

The bell rings. Time for the last period of the day. Art class — the class I am most looking forward to. Art is the one thing that can help me escape all of the other awful drama and gossip.

Before I know it, the bell rings one last time, and school is out for the day.

I survive my first day at Trinity Springs Middle School.

Children of Soldiers

2010-11-13T06:55:00.000-08:00

A Canadian National Film Board documentary premiering at the Global Visions Film Festival in Edmonton, Alberta this week should be a good one to watch for in the US. “Children of Soldiers” is the follow-up to director Claire Corriveau’s acclaimed 2007 film, “Nomad’s Land,” about military wives.

"Canada's been at war since the Afghan mission began, but we don't talk about it," says Corriveau, quoted in an article by Jamie Hall in the Edmonton Journal. "Civilians don't feel it; it doesn't change our daily lives. But for thousands of people in Canada, they feel the war every day."

Corriveau was a military spouse before her husband’s retirement in 2007. “Children of Soldiers,” traces the lives of four military families during a parent’s deployment to Afghanistan in 2008. The trailer shows French- and English-speaking Canadians between 11 and 14 talking about the experience of losing a parent. That was brought home tragically during filming, when the father of one of the families was killed in action. "We had to postpone some of the shooting,” Corriveau says. “We wanted to make sure these families wouldn't resent the fact we were filming their sorrows, and their difficulties."

Military children don't have a chance to build the same kind of relationships with parents as civilians do because of long absences and the life-changing work soldiers do. “I love my father, I love him deeply,” one child says in the film, “but sometimes I prefer him to be away because when he comes back, he's always angry, and he yells at us.”

All this sounds very familiar, as of course it should. War is war, and children are children, wherever they live. And so, apparently is the separation between the few who serve and the many who do not.“This isn't just the military's problem,” Corriveau reminds us. “The military is us, it's all of us: our brothers, our uncles, our friends, our sisters. We all have to share the burden that comes with these missions."

Children Who Serve

2010-11-12T06:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was interviewed at our local Fox affiliate about Xanthe's World and what I have learned about military children from my research for this blog. I felt proud and honored to be part of Veteran's Day in this way.

Here's the link:

http://www.fox5sandiego.com/videobeta/6fb797e7-31fb-4207-a5e6-cb9f729a7d0a/News/Children-Who-Serve

Our Youngest Vets

2010-11-11T06:20:00.000-08:00

Happy Veterans Day to the ones who serve too. I’m talking about the children of veterans. I’m talking about the children of Memorial Day too. It’s fitting that we have a holiday to honor the service members who come home and the ones who do not. And it’s fitting that on Veterans Day we stop for a moment to say thank you to the children of servicemembers. Whatever we might think about America’s current wars, whatever we might think about the use of force or the flexing of military muscle now or at any other time, the policies and actions of our government are not their doing. The consequences of those policies and actions are, however, another matter.

I wish I could say that on this Veteran’s Day, the nation would pledge that fathers and mothers in military service would not be deployed so often or so long. I wish I could say that we pledge to make sure that whenever families have to move, children don’t lose ground in school. I wish I could say that everyone who meets military children will say how proud they are of them and their deployed parents instead of wondering aloud why in the world anyone would want to do the things soldiers are sometimes called upon to do. I wish I could say that if their parents come home wounded in heart and body that the help they and their families need will be there. I wish I could say that there is no need to be afraid or depressed. I wish I could say our wars will end honorably and soon. I wish I could say that whatever comes, we as a nation will not forget them.

I am glad I am getting to know military children a little better in the months I have been blogging at Xanthe’s World. It's a means, however small, to try to be there for these often overlooked young people who fight their own battles because their parents have been called to fight ours. Veterans Day is not a holiday associated with resolutions, but that doesn't mean it can't be. Please join me, if you are among the 98 percent unaffected personally by this war, in finding your own way to serve too.

Better Schools for Our Children

2010-11-10T07:37:00.000-08:00

More than $38 million in grants was given out by the Department of Defense Education Activity this year to 32 public school districts serving large numbers of military children. We are so often bludgeoned with incomprehensibly large numbers--who can even understand what a billion dollars really represents, much less a trillion?--that my first reaction to this news was to wonder “why so little?” Then I realized that for a school district to receive on average more than a million dollars to help military children is no small thing.

According to Elaine Wilson’s Army News Service article, “Public Schools Serving Military Children Benefit from Grants,” schools receiving grants have around 190,000 total students, approximately 37,000 of whom are from military families in communities near more than 30 military installations.

Kathleen Facon, chief of DoDEA's educational partnership, explains that "while we really want to enhance opportunities for military students, these grants also provide an opportunity to raise achievement for all students." It does work better, in my experience as an educator, to assume that any special program could benefit far more students than it targets, and it may work better for military students not to be singled out, but be part of a wider school program.

Funding was based on the number of military-connected students at the school, with grants ranging from $150,000 to $2.5 million. Most focused on science, technology, engineering and mathematics, many using innovative technology such as smart phones and other hand-held devices to learn math. For a professor teaching humanities, as I do, smart phones create a parallel universe of text messaging, so I had to smile at the idea of a classroom full of students told to pull out their phones rather than put them away!

Classroom academics are not the only focus of the grants. Military children transitioning into a new school often need help adjusting to new demands, both academic and social. Colleges recognize how difficult it is to step into the middle of an ongoing class, and they don’t allow it, but K-12 is a different matter, and if a new family shows up five, ten, twenty weeks into a school year, the children are thrown right into the middle of what may be an unfamiliar curriculum and different classroom environment. Several grants address these needs, funding programs to facilitate class placement and social integration, or offering after-school homework clubs and tutoring.

I have written in the past about one of the grantees under the DoDEA’s program, a consortium of districts in my own area (San Diego) that is working with the University of Southern California’s Masters of Social Work students on a program to help schools in the area be more responsive to students from military families.

An estimated 90 percent of military students attend public schools. Though the DoDEA’s effort can provide important planning information and identify promising practices, in the end the $38 million will only impact a few children. I wonder what the plan is for the others.

The Medical Toll on Children

2010-11-09T07:24:00.000-08:00

Stories are all over the internet today about an article in the December 2010 issue of Pediatrics. The article, “Parental Wartime Deployment and the Use of Mental Health Services Among Young Military Children,” by Beth Ellen Davis presents the results of a study led by Dr. Gregory H. Gorman of the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences, which analyzed the health records of 642,397 children ages 3 to 8 with parents in the military.

It compared the frequency of health visits from 2006 to 2007 when a parent was deployed with those when the parent was home. It is the most comprehensive study conducted to date of military families’ use of health insurance during wartime. Children from ages 3 to 8 were chosen in part because they were developmentally at the stage where Gorman had seen an increase in parental concern about their children’s behavior among patients in his pediatric practice.

The researchers found that the children saw a doctor or other health professional about six times a year and about once every two years for a mental health reason. During deployment of a parent, however, the visit rate dropped by about 11 percent for physical problems but rose by 11 percent for psychological complaints. Stress, anxiety and attention-deficit problems were among the more common diagnoses.

Children at the upper end of the age group studied, the 7- and 8-year olds, had the most marked problems. The causes of stress include frequent moves, prolonged parent absences, and fear of a parent’s death. The study also revealed larger increases in mental and behavioral visits among older children, children with military fathers and children of married military parents.

Many researchers and practitioners have noted the stresses on today’s military families, and so the findings of increased visits for behavioral and mental health problems was no surprise. What did surprise Dr. Gordon was to find that the rates of visits for all other medical conditions dropped. "I have no direct evidence, but we hypothesize that when a parent is deployed... and the other parent has to do all of the duties, they may want to handle other problems at home," Gorman said. "These parents who remain at home need to multi-task even more." This is a matter for some concern, since presumably illnesses or injuries for which a parent might seek medical attention in calmer times are not receiving the same level of vigilance now. This could harm both the child and the parent, who may be feeling guilty about not being able to do what he or she once did for the child.

In Gorman's study, the most frequent primary diagnosis during visits for mental or behavioral issues was attention-deficit disorder (ADD). Adjustment and autistic disorders came next, followed by mood and anxiety disorders, oppositional defiant disorder, developmental delays, post-traumatic stress disorder, bedwetting and separation anxiety. In cases of ADD and autism, Gorman says that those conditions may worsen during deployment and become harder to manage for the remaining parent.

These findings are particularly important for nonmilitary pediatricians, because they provide almost two-thirds of the outpatient care for military children. “It’s not clear yet whether kids are in fact suffering more mental problems when a parent is deployed, or that mothers are more attendant to any shift in behavior,” one of the researchers says. “That’s the next question we have to ask.”

Worried About Dad

2010-11-08T06:48:00.000-08:00

We’ve probably all had the experience of being surprised that someone is worried about us, or upset because he or she didn’t know where we were or that we were safe. We knew where we were and knew everything was fine, so what’s the problem?

It’s like that for families of deployed servicemembers. Much of a deployment is spent doing routine things around the base, but families don’t know what is happening at any particular moment, so the worry is constantly there.

In a good article by Erica Voll, “The Other Side of War,” appearing in the online magazine SJ, we meet National Guard Colonel Col. Dennis Devery’s twelve-year-old daughter Callan and eighteen-year-old son Connell. Devery has been deployed to Afghanistan with his National Guard unit since January 2010 (that's Devery with daughter Callan in the photo). “There are days when I am taking care of errands or doing laundry,” Devery says. “But my family at home doesn’t always know that. They think we are in constant danger.”

Psychologist Jennifer Perry specializes in treating children and adolescents. “Kids respond to stress differently than adults do,” says Perry. “They may not know how to express their thoughts and feelings so instead, they act out behaviorally, develop physical symptoms of stress, or develop separation anxiety, difficulty concentrating or phobias.” Perry goes on to note that “most children don’t experience significant problems....Much of the child’s adjustment depends on the remaining parent’s adjustment.”

Kelly Devery, the at-home parent agrees that children handle things differently and that handling the parenting alone is difficult. “We have two children at two very different points of life, and I think it impacts us all very differently. Dads certainly bring a different perspective, and it’s been hard to tackle the challenging things that come up while raising a 12- and 18-year-old.”

Callan and Connell don’t talk about their Dad too much with friends because their friends are a way of forgetting their worries. “My friends don’t understand,” Callan says. “Their parents are home and safe.”

Callan worries about her father’s safety a great deal. “No matter how safe he says he is, he is still in that unsafe area.” The news upsets her so much she tries not to watch. Dennis has mixed feelings about this, because he wants his children to know the good things our armed forces are doing, instead of just imagining the bad things that might happen.

Fortunately, the base in Afghanistan is set up with video equipment, phones, Internet and Skype, and Dennis checks in with Kelly once a day. Because of the time difference, the children miss most of these calls, but they are still reassuring.

“I miss studying, fishing and going to baseball games with him,” says Callan. “I just miss him being around.” Connell, a freshman at Burlington County College feels the same way. “He wasn’t here for my senior year play or even my high school graduation,” he says. “I miss him, but I know he’s helping out a lot of people who are less fortunate than us Americans, and I am proud he is over there doing it.”

The best news of all is that Dennis will be home for Christmas--for good. “Having him home,” Kelly says, “will be the greatest gift to us all,” a sentiment with which Connell and Callan heartily agree. Welcome Home, Dennis. Well done.

Military Family Month

2010-11-07T06:24:00.000-08:00

We are now one week into Military Family Month, proclaimed by President Obama. “Across America, military families inspire us all with their courage, strength, and deep devotion to our country,” the proclamation reads. “They endure the challenges of multiple deployments and moves; spend holidays and life milestones apart; juggle everyday tasks while a spouse, parent, son, or daughter is in harm's way; and honor the service of their loved ones and the memory of those lost. [...] Just as we hold a sacred trust to the extraordinary Americans willing to lay down their lives to protect us all, we also have a national commitment to support and engage our military families.”

The proclamation goes on to paint in broad brush what the Obama administration is doing to support and strengthen military families, but the emphasis of the proclamation is that while only a small percentage of Americans are in military families, all of us share in the responsibility of caring for these families and our veterans. “By offering job opportunities and workplace flexibility, businesses and companies can benefit from the unparalleled dedication and skills of a service member or military spouse. Through coordination with local community groups, individuals and organizations can ensure our military families have the help they need and deserve when a loved one is deployed. Even the smallest actions by neighbors and friends send a large message of profound gratitude to the families who risk everything to see us safe and free.”

It's heartening that many people do care, and act on their gratitude. It's good that this gesture was made, especially in the month of the year most associated with giving thanks. Still, there's something disheartening about proclamations too, as if they suggest that come December 1, we can move on and not have military family month anymore. That is, of course, if anyone other than the choir listened in the first place.

Operation: Homefront

2010-11-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

Here's another book I've run across that might make a good read for younger teens. Caroline Cooney wrote Operation: Homefront (Laurel-Leaf Books, 1992) soon after the 1991 Gulf War. I’m not familiar with her work but I have been told that her books are hilarious at the same time they touch on serious issues. This one is about the Herrick family, whose mom joins the National Guard to earn some extra money, never thinking she will be called up. When the first Gulf War starts, her unit is sent to Saudi Arabia as part of Operation Desert Shield.

Joining the National Guard was seen as a joke by her rather spoiled, middle class family, but deployment is no joke. They go through all the emotions and stresses any military family would, After the mother leaves, the family worries as they compulsively watch the news, and their family falls apart until they realize their well being rests on all their shoulders now. By the end of the book they have come together and grown to see their mother is a different light as someone who has a life apart from her children, and plays a larger part in theirs than they had realized.

School Library Journal applauds Cooney for dealing well with the role of women in modern warfare and its impact “This is a tightly written story that moves quickly, giving lots of information about the war, its background, and its outcome, as well as offering a family story of struggle and survival,” it says.

Making the Grade

2010-11-05T07:35:00.000-07:00

Here’s a great idea! The Army and Air Force Exchange at Fort Gordon in Georgia has a program, now in its tenth year, called “You Made the Grade. The program recognizes students stationed at Fort Gordon who achieve a “B” average or better in school, by awarding them a booklet filled with fun benefits. Recipients get a free Burger King kids meal, video rental, a discount on any new release DVD at a local store, and other appealing things.

There also a chance at one big thing. The packet includes an entry form for a drawing to win a savings bond worth up to $5,000. That is no small thing, certainly, for if the bond is earmarked for college, winning it could have an important effect on a child’s aspirations.

Military children, especially those with deployed parents, are at greater risk of school absenteeism and failure, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. “Promoting the benefits of a good education is what makes this program so important to us and the community we serve,” says Sheila Miller, the Gordon Exchange Manager. “This effort represents an investment in our nation’s future.”

To receive the “You Made the Grade” booklet, students need only present a valid military ID card and proof of an overall “B” or better average to the Exchange. Students may receive one coupon package for every qualifying report card, and enter the drawing for the savings bond once per calendar year.

On Bullies

2010-11-04T08:08:00.000-07:00

As I reported yesterday, national studies show that 32 percent of students ages 12 to 18 have experienced being bullied in school. Almost a full third if children say they have been made fun of, became the subject of rumors or were physically assailed by being pushed shoved, tripped or spit on. However, only a minority, about a third, told an adult. Are military children at increased risk, because they are so frequently the new kids in school? The Department of Defense clearly thinks so, because they have partnered with other federal agencies in a task force to address the issue.

Bullying has always been a part of childhood, but an epidemic of incivility and intolerance seems to have taken hold in many schools. “For those of us who work with kids in schools, we don’t want children to be humiliated and embarrassed and have to ‘put up with it. It’s against the law, and it’s not OK,” says Patricia Cassiday, director of pupil personnel services for the Department of Defense Education Activity. DoDEA oversees schools for military children here and overseas.

Three groups of people are part of the dynamic of bullying--the bullies, the victims, and the bystanders. Approaches that focus on getting bullies to change or victims to report the abuse are less likely to be successful, Cassiday feels, unless the third group feels empowered. “We stress the importance of students supporting each other and saying, ‘Not in our school,’” Cassiday says in Elaine Wilson’s recent article for the American Forces Press Service, “DOD Takes Steps to Stop Bullying” (see link in yesterday’s post).

DoDEA’s school officials encourage the victim to speak up, but in a way that won’t make the situation worse. Children do need to be assertive, to affirm what they want (which is in this case, of course, is for the bully to leave them alone), but I can’t think of too many times in my own life when that would have helped.

The psychology of bullying must be very powerful. Presumably the bully is overtaken by some kind of rush he or she can’t control. Advising children to tell their tormenter that they will report the behavior if he or she doesn’t stop is a bit scary. When the authority figure is not physically present, their power is unlikely to cause a bully to step back and reconsider, and may cause more immediate punishment “Tattletale!” I can picture the taunts.

These kinds of advice seem a bit too easy and pat for me, a bit like Nancy Reagan’s famous dictum for addressing drug use among young people. “Just say no” doesn’t go far when a powerful web of human behaviors and frailties are on full display.

If the bullying is reported, children are encouraged by the DoDEA to sit down with the bully and a counselor to discuss the situation, or the counselor can meet with the bully alone if the victim doesn’t wish to attend. The important thing is for the bully to understand that sweet talk and shallow promises don’t cut it. Another infraction and the consequences will be severe. The bully also has to be treated sensitively, not as a bad person no one can understand, but as someone who has choices and has been making bad ones.

Physical violence is another matter, Cassiday says. In those cases, immediate disciplinary action must be taken. That includes the victim too. if he or she decides to honor the age-old parental dictum to fight back. “It’s tough for schools to know who is to blame if both are involved,” Cassiday explains.

Cassiday also advises that parents can take the situation in hand themselves by going to the bully’s parents, but this has to be done in a non-confrontational way. Parents should assume (or pretend to at least) that the bully’s parent (or parents) is not aware of the problem, will be embarrassed and alarmed by it, and will speak to the child about changing his or her ways.

The Defense Department is working with children and youth services managers to highlight cyberbullying as well. The Defense Department’s Military OneSource site at http://www.militaryonesource.com offers free online resources and printed materials to help parents and children deal with bullying of any kind. The Defense Department will continue its efforts to shed light on the pervasive problem, not just for military children, but for all children.

Bullying is sad all around. The child who does it is wounded too. If repeated deployments or anything else about military life contribute to the making of bullies, that needs to be addressed, because what happens to both the bullied and the bully may shape the rest of their lives.

The Perils of Being the New Kid

2010-11-03T08:44:00.000-07:00

In the small California town where I grew up in the 1950s, a few unkind children made life briefly unpleasant but didn’t have much effect overall on the dynamic of my time at school. In my early teens, school settled in the typical pattern of a small group of popular kids who ignored the rest of us. I was fortunate enough to go to a high school where ostracism was rare and had at least some connection to what a person did or said. In situations where the grudge was personal, it didn’t spread to infect the rest of the class.

It seems our country has been overtaken by a mean-spiritedness visible every day not just in the corridors of schools, but the corridors of power. It seems as if it’s grown acceptable simply not to like others, and worse, to act on it.

When school becomes a nightmare, battered self-esteem, depression and fear set in, sometimes leaving vulnerable young people feeling there is no solution but to die. That has happened at the hand of school bullies several times in the last year. According to national statistics, about 32 percent of students ages 12 to 18 report being bullied in school. Typical this consists of being shoved, tripped or spit on; or being the subject of rumors or generally made fun of. Only about a third of the victims told a teacher or other authority about it.

Complicating the matter, as we all know, is the fact that bullies now have the internet as a platform for their viciousness. Bullies libel classmates on Facebook and Twitter, and through text messages and e-mail, and post embarrassing photos online. In a survey on WiredSafety.org, almost half of the respondents said they’d been “cyberbullied” before, and more than half had a friend who had gotten such treatment.

When I was young I couldn’t imagine how anyone could possibly live to be thirty, much less eighty--look at how many days, weeks, months that would take! I was pretty happy with my life overall, but when things were tough, it was hard to convince myself that whatever I was experiencing at the time wasn’t going to characterize the rest of my life. The future loomed ahead like a thick, black cloud during the bad times, and I believed that whatever I didn’t like about myself would stick to me like tar forever. It's painful to think of how much darker some children must think their future is.

Military children are known for their adaptability, but in this new environment being the new kid in school may make them particularly susceptible to bullying, especially in schools where classmates have been bonding since kindergarten. A concerned Department of Defense recently joined with four other departments of our national government to create a federal task force on school bullying. in an article “DOD Takes Steps to Stop Bullying,” by Elaine WIlson of the American Forces Press Service, Barbara Thompson, director of the Pentagon’s office of family policy, children and youth, says that “it’s gotten the attention of the country just how invasive any type of bullying is to the well-being of a victim.”

Wilson’s article is lengthy, and I will write more about it tomorrow. For now, I encourage readers to take the time to watch this video about bullying in schools. It’s made by Tony Bartoli, a motivational speaker, and though I’m not endorsing him specifically, this is worth watching for the sobering statistics he presents.

Love and Laundry

2010-11-02T07:29:00.000-07:00

What happens to a family when both parents are off serving their country? It does happen, as the Jamieson family of Virginia can attest. Christina Jamieson is on a fifteen-month deployment, stationed in Bahrain until next summer, and her husband, Ray, is currently assigned out-of-state with the Defense Department. In her article, “Four Families Serve a Military Duty,” journalist Cortney Langley describes the solution the Jamiesons managed to work out for their four children.

The family of Katie Rauschwarg, tenth-grader Coral Jamieson’s best friend, has taken Coral in for fifteen months. The Rauschwargs wanted to take all four children , but since they have four of their own and one bathroom, mom Michele Rauchwarg says with good humor, “I could not do that to a good friend!” Michele and Christina became friends as lunch duty volunteers at a local school, an example of how helping others can benefit oneself in unusual and unimaginable ways.

Thirteen-year-old R.J. Jamieson is also living with his best friend, Mark Cavazos. Twin 9-year-olds Chase and Pierce Jamieson are living at home with Ray’s mother, Mischelle Jamieson, who came from Orlando to care for them and the family dog. A fourth couple, Robin and Mark Gardner, also are on board to help out in whatever way is needed. The family keeps in contact through Skype, e-mail, text, Facebook, chat programs, telephone and “even snail mailing.”

Michele, Diana, and Robin have become good friends, advising each other and comparing notes. Discipline was difficult at first because different families have different expectations, but the Jamieson children are now treated like any other member of their temporary family.

“Some people judge Christina poorly for being in the service, as if she’s betraying her family,” author Langley says. “But people don’t judge military fathers by the same standard.”

“The difference with Michele, Diane and Robin,” Christina Jamieson told Langley on a recent leave at home with her family, “is that they never made me feel less of a mother, always had the standing-by-to-help attitude and even helped when I never even asked....They love my children as if they were their own.”

After eighteen years of service, Christina plans to retire soon and go to law school. “I love my country so very much, I love my family so much and I love these families so much, and with the help of my ‘community families,’ there is the right balance to make it all work,” she says. “Even though their parents are not at their sides, my kids know they are loved because the right people are in their lives.” The photo from the Virginia Gazette is of the Jamiesons and their extended "community family."

What are the biggest challenges? “Laundry,” Grandmother Mischelle Jamieson says with a smile.

Honoring the Fallen and Their Families

2010-11-01T07:33:00.000-07:00

I’m a baseball fan, and of course have been watching every minute of the World Series. Last night I saw an ad featuring Michelle Obama and Jill Biden, encouraging people to become part of a volunteer organization called iParticipate.org.

I went to the website for iParticipate this morning and found out that it is a far-reaching and broad-based philanthropic activity sponsored by America’s entertainment industries. “The Entertainment Industry Foundation,” according to the website, “harnesses the collective power of the industry to raise awareness and fund for critical health, educational and social issues in order to make a positive impact in our community and throughout the nation. People from every facet of the entertainment community – actors and executives; guild and union members; and employees of studios, networks and talent agencies – volunteer their time, talent and services to support our work.”

EIF was founded 67 years ago by Samuel Goldwyn and other Hollywood dignitaries, and since then has raised millions of dollars for cancer research and prevention, diabetes awareness, education and creative arts, and other beneficial causes. The website indicates six main areas of support, one of which is military families.

In particular, they support two service organizations specifically focused on military families. One, Blue Star Families, is very well known, but the other was new to me. The Mission Continues “honors fallen veterans through Veterans Tributes, where volunteers learn about the fallen veteran’s life and legacy, perform community service in his or her honor, and write a letter to the veteran's family,” according to EIF. “Volunteer opportunities include care package drives, park clean ups, and other meaningful acts of service.”

It is heartening to see that the needs of military families are being so broadly recognized. It does seem as if awareness builds more awareness, and this morning as I write it indeed does seem possible that we could become a nation where honoring and supporting the families who serve as our nation’s military becomes natural and expected.

'Tis the Season Already?

2010-10-31T07:42:00.000-07:00

I don’t know about you, but for me, Thanksgiving is the day after Halloween, Christmas is the day after Thanksgiving, and New Year’s Eve is the day after Christmas. Time moves so fast this time of year, and though I am no longer a mom trying to live up to everyone’s expectations and fantasies, it still feels like a whirlwind every year.

Halloween seems like a good point to talk about the upcoming holidays. “Supporting Young Children During the Holidays,” an article I found on the Zero to Three website has advice targeted towards parents and caregivers for children with deployed parents, although much of the advice is good for anyone.

For families with a deployed servicemember, the holidays may be especially challenging, making everyone more keenly aware that the mother or father is not home to share in the celebration. Though we often think of babies and toddlers as being too young to understand, they take their cues from the people around them and can become upset for reasons they can’t articulate.

The article uses the acronym SEASON for its advice.

S is for structure and routine
For young children, knowing what to expect is critical. Although change and disruption is inevitable during the holidays, parents should do their best to keep up with familiar routines.

E is for expectations
The holiday season can bring with it some high, often unreasonable expectations, especially when the word “joy” seems to be everywhere. Having a servicemember deployed is not joyous. Spouses and older children may be sad, lonely, anxious, guilty about having fun or about not being able to make up for the absence, or resentful at having to do everything alone. Those who have relocated recently may not yet have made friends they care about and feel comfortable with at social gatherings. The article warns that such things can’t be rushed, and a feeling of dislocation may just have to be endured. “It is important that military parents create this social support network at their own pace and not place additional pressure on themselves. A new year’s resolution to engage in more social activities, for example, can be fulfilled throughout the year and make next year’s holidays that much more enjoyable.” The article concludes that “There is no right way to feel. Parents and caregivers should take great pride in knowing that they are doing the best that they can under very challenging circumstances.

A is for awareness Parents and caregivers who understand the connection between stress and behavior will be able to pick up on signs that their little ones are having a hard time. Increased irritability, sleep changes, clinginess, and other such behaviors are clues that something is bothering the child.

S is for Self-Care
It’s hard sometimes to remember one’s own needs during the holiday season, when the focus is on children and creating a good holiday experience for others. “Self-care activities may include: taking naps whenever possible; seeing supportive friends or family; gardening; reading; playing basketball; journaling; taking walks; or going to a baseball game with buddies. Parents and caregivers who support themselves are, ultimately, supporting their families by increasing their capacity to provide loving, nurturing environments for themselves and for their children.” It is also important to seek professional help if the holidays are too difficult to handle emotionally.

O is for opportunity

The holiday season can provide special opportunities to create some additional rituals or routines that keep the military parent “present’ or involved during the holidays. Some ideas in the article include having the active duty parent send a number of letters in advance to the child, to be opened and read on each of the 12 days of Christmas or during each day of Hanukkah or Kwanzaa. At-home parents can record their children singing holiday songs and send it to the deployed parent. The family can create a holiday ornament that says “mommy” or “daddy” in honor of the military parent and hang it on the tree, or perhaps hang a stocking and fill it with homemade gifts to send after Christmas, or just before. I love the suggestion that children create a paper Chanukah menorah or Kwanzaa kinara and cut out the appropriate number of paper flames. These can then be sent to the active duty parent, who will glue a flame on each day that a candle is to be lit and take a picture of him or herself with the “lit” menorah or kinara to send back to the child. It seems to me it should be easy to adapt this for other children--perhaps paper ornaments on a tree, or a manger scene, or Santa and his reindeer.

N is for 'nesting'
It’s a good idea to see the home as a retreat, not the center of the whirlwind. “A young child can look forward to watching the holiday candles being lit, taking a bath, having a holiday book read, listening to quiet holiday music, kissing a picture of the absent parent, and then drifting off to bed. Parents, too, can see this “nesting” time as an opportunity to break free from daily stress, enjoy special moments with their young children, and refuel for the next day.”

Whew! I am tired just thinking about the holidays! For those of us in the 98 percent unaffected by deployment, let’s try to do something for the other 2 percent before the end of this year, which is, by my calculation, 4 days from now!

Finding Their Voices

2010-10-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

It is a joyous morning indeed. In my e-mail this morning was a link to a fabulous program for military children. It’s called A Backpack Journalist, and its goal is to help military youth find their voice as writers in all media--journalism, songwriting, fiction, even coloring for the younger ones.

A Backpack Journalist is an educational services and event support company that provides curriculum, workshops and special events for military children ages 6-11 and 12-18, to help them through the deployment and reintegration cycle. Here’s a link to a short video about the program, featuring some young children participating in group activities and talking about their parents’ deployment.

According to its founder, Linda Dennis, A Backpack Journalist “is a combination of processes that help military youth find their voice and learn to express themselves through journalistic writing, song writing and photojournalism using the latest, greatest technology tools around.

“Our team consists of journalism teachers from high school and college, yearbook advisers and photographers in the business, military family volunteers and facilitators, song writers and performing artists and creative people who have come together with a love of working with youth and a wish to help youth ‘find their voice in their chosen creative way!’”

The group sponsors events directly but perhaps more importantly, it creates units of curriculum that others can use in their communities.Curriculum is offered in an open classroom with a mobile lab-based learning environment.

The curriculum combines:

basics of journalistic writing, photography, song writing, film making, broadcasting, cartooning, poetry and journaling
experienced teachers and professionals focusing on hands-on and one-on-one activities with participants.
use of point-and-shoot cameras, flip video and pocket recorders, multimedia software, and PC’s and MAC’s

A Backpack Journalist Curriculum Guide is available for license. It contains each subject track and operational how-to’s for those interested in setting up such a program in their communities. The guide includes a syllabus for each of the following:

Journalistic Writing
Photojournalism
Song Writing
Poetry
Editorial Cartooning
Film making – Script writing to Broadcast
Shoebox Journaling
Digital publishing

Linda Dennis, you are a hero! For more information, go to either of these links.

info@abackpackjournalist.com Ldennis@abackpackjournalist.com

Watching Out for the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

2010-10-29T07:42:00.000-07:00

More than 524,000 soldiers with children have deployed in support of the war effort in the Army alone. As of June 30, 142,000 Army children were dealing with the absence of a deployed parent.How are they doing?

I wrote yesterday about the findings in an upcoming Rand Corporation study that demonstrate the negative effects of lengthy, repeated deployments on the education of military children. At the conference where these findings were shared, Amy Richardson of the Rand Corporation offered a number of ideas about what could be done to help. Most of the suggestions are not new, but reinforce what we have already intuitively known, or been told by previous research. While many of these ideas are good, I had some misgivings, because in trying to help, it's important that we don't inadvertently turn military children into victims of our concern.

Improve school services. School counselors need better access to information on services that can help Army families. The Army also should increase and improve the activities of school liaison officers and encourage them to foster a more collaborative effort with school administrators.

Improve mental health services. The Army’s behavioral health care capacity would be improved by increasing pay and other benefits to attract more specialists. Free, community-based mental health care support should be fostered through grant funding or cooperative efforts.Telepsychiatry would offer a valuable resource to Guard and Reserve families in remote locations. The Army already has a pilot program at Fort Bragg, N.C., and Fort Drum, NY to develop this service.

Improve community services. There should be more regional or statewide social events to minimize social isolation for Guard and Reserve servicemembers and their families. Also, a social networking site especially for military youth, with instant messaging and chat rooms, would be helpful.

The most obvious and critical need of all, however, is to know who the military children are. Military leaders should create a method to inform schools about which children are military and the status of parental deployment. Ideally, this information would be fed directly from the Army to the schools. In the alternative, the Rand Corporation suggested that a voluntary form handed out at the start of the year to all school families.

This last gave me pause. Having the information is critical, but the way it is obtained could have a huge effect on the children. Overt methods, such as the voluntary form, might unleash a self-fulfilling prophesy. It’s important to be worried about military children’s ability to thrive, but possibly counterproductive to convey the message to the child that we think there’s a reason they might not.

For every child who appreciates knowing the extra attention will be there, perhaps there is another who decides there’s little point in trying to thrive. We have to be careful that in our good intentions we don’t plant a seed of self doubt or lowered expectations. Military children don’t want our pity, and they aren’t an alien species. They’re just children with some added stress in their lives. We should care equally about all children, but we owe something special to these. We need to find a way to make services feel casual, normal, easily accessible, and, where possible, fun. Grave faces and worried looks are not good for any child trying to make his or her way in difficult times.

Nineteen Months

2010-10-28T07:45:00.000-07:00

We have heard a lot recently about how deployment impacts military children’s academic success, and a new study gives new, concrete information. The Rand Corporation gave attendees of the U.S. Army Annual Meeting and Exposition an advance look at a recently completed six-year study yesterday in Washington.

Rand Corp. conducted the study from 2002 to 2008, sampling military children attending public schools in North Carolina and Washington state. They discovered that children whose parents have been deployed for 19 months or more cumulatively had lower school achievement test scores than children whose parents had been deployed for less time or not at all. The impact for children began at the 19-month mark, and the cumulative amount of time was more significant than the number of deployments. No significant variation was found depending on location of the deployment, or the age, gender and rank or status of the parent. I have written in the past about how, for some reason that isn’t clear, girls tend to have more difficulties than boys, but that was not part of this study. The study also confirms what might be expected, that the more a parent struggles with deployment of the spouse, the more likely the children are to struggle also.

Amy Richarson, policy analyst for Rand and the speaker at the meeting, said, “We also found that children are facing some behavioral health challenges that can impact their academic success, and for many of the children [resilience] seemed to be waning.” This is a troublesome development, for the resilience of children is one of the things families most depend upon when facing upheavals and added stress.

But cooperative efforts with schools and an increase in behavioral health resources can have a positive impact, the study found. I’ll write about that, and about ideas raised at the conference, tomorrow.

DePLAYment

2010-10-27T07:08:00.000-07:00

This is officially the Year of the Air Force Family. Around the country Air Force Bases have mounted activities to strengthen families and make deployments easier to endure. One such initiative, the DePLAYment Program, ended July 31. Over 10,000 families participated in the program of free classes and sports activities for children of deployed military members, and free or discounted family programs for the deployed members' entire family. In Charleston, for example, program activities included the following:

· Ten hours of free child care at the Child Development Center

· Free annual Youth Center membership

· Up to $50 per child forTae Kwon Do or dance classes

· Up to $50 per child in various fee-charging team sports

· Free family bowling nights

· Free family golf clinics

· Free family arts and crafts activities

· Free bicycle tour of historic Charleston

· Free family canoe trip

· Free family day trip to Darlington Motor Speedway's "Nationwide 200"

In his recent article Happy Homecomings, Lt. Col. (Dr.) Howard Givens, 628th Medical Operations Squadron commander at Joint Base Charleston, has this to say about such activities:

“In my experience, both as a physician and as a military member who has recently deployed, many families do not recognize the significant stress that a deployment will put on each person in a family - including the spouse and each child. Families are already busy with school, sports, and community activities and may plan to continue all their normal activities without considering the additional stressors associated with the deployment.”

Givens explains that during deployment, “ family members may experience stress related to separation from the military member, changes in responsibilities at home, and changes in recreation because the deployed family member is not available to participate. These stressors may not seem intimidating by themselves, but taken together and over a period of months, they begin to have an effect on the individual - and on the family.”

Deployment affects everyone differently, and families may have widely varying reactions. “Some children will be able to ‘soldier on’ through a deployment with little apparent effect on their physical or psychological health. Other children in the same family may struggle at school or in relationships, have sleep difficulties or even physical illness while trying to cope with the stress of their parent's deployment.”

Givens is a strong supporter of planning before deployment not just the most obvious necessities, but also the leisure activities that will keep spirits up. Many of the activities of the dePLAYment program are actually available year-round, and it is a good idea to begin working them into children’s lives before the parent’s departure. How much better it would be to remember doing something with dad or mom, rather than adding even new forms of fun to the many changes children undergo.

Profile: Susan McIntosh, Quantico

2010-10-26T06:49:00.000-07:00

Susan McIntosh is spending her career in service to military children. She has spent the last eighteen years at Quantico as an Education Services Officer, and before that she was a teacher in middle and high school. Her current job includes facilitating on-base college programs and tuition assistance.

McIntosh recently was appointed to the Virginia Council on the Virginia Council on the Interstate Compact on Educational Opportunity for Military Children, where she will serve as military liaison for the voting members of the board. She was chosen from more than 40 other candidates based on her experiences in the field.

I’ve written on efforts like the Council before, which assist children from military families in the transition from one school to another. One of the issues facing the committee is differing graduation requirements from state to state. “It’s typical for children in a military school that they might go to three or four elementary schools, two middle schools, and two high schools,” McIntosh said in a recent article by Shandra Dyess (who also took this photograph of McIntosh at work). It’s not just a matter of determining equivalent courses from district to district. Some school districts might require taking courses in a specific order, while another school might require a certain level of performance on standardized tests. In some places, the cut-off age for starting kindergarten is different, creating difficulties for some young students.

McIntosh relishes the opportunity to help students succeed. One wall of her small, neat office is covered with diplomas from students on base who she has helped earn a degree. By her own count, she has helped more than 8,000 of her students, including her own children reach their educational goals. It’s nice to know there are people like Susan--many of them across the country--who are determined to serve our nation’s military children well.

Dove Song

2010-10-25T06:49:00.000-07:00

What does a novelist think makes the perfect gift? A novel, of course, and with the holiday season coming up, I have been doing sone research on books for children and young adults, focusing on the experiences of military families.

I haven’t read Kristine Franklin’s Dove Song (Candlewick Press, 1999), but it sounds as if it might be particularly apt for today’s middle schoolers. The main character, eleven-year-old Bobbie Lynn, moves with her mother and brother after he father is deployed to the Vietnam War. Her transition to her new civilian school in Washington State is difficult, but eventually she makes friends with another girl on the margins, Wendy Feeney. Wendy has a severely retarded twin sister, who freaks Bobbie Lynn out at first, and she is puzzled by her new friend's deep belief in guardian angels, and the Feeney’s family unfamiliar Catholic ways.

Life is better, thought with quirky but fun Wendy as a friend. Then, Bobbie Lynn’s family gets the dreaded news that her father is missing in action. Bobbie Lynn’s mother has always been fragile, but this news sends her spiraling down into depression so profound that Bobbie Lynn and her brother, afraid to reveal their problems to anyone, resort to spoon feeding her to get her to eat. Only when Bobbie Lynn herself becomes ill with pneumonia does she realize that she isn’t alone and doesn’t have to bear the weight of the world on her shoulders by herself.

The seriousness of the mother’s inability to cope with the absence and possible loss of her husband, and the effect this has on her children, make this a difficult book emotionally, but it is uplifting nevertheless for the powerful message it sends about community and friendship. Franklin has been praised by critics for her convincing portrayal of the late 1960s, especially the national conflict about the Vietnam War, and the less-than-welcoming treatment of disabilities in the pre-ADA era. A solid work of YA historical fiction, it won the Minnesota Book Award in 2000.

If you have an independent bookstore near you, please consider buying your books there. We need neighborhood bookstore to thrive!

Military Kids Unite

2010-10-24T09:17:00.000-07:00

Here’s one from San Diego, my home. Correia Middle School and the Navy School Liaison Officer have set up a new after-school club called Military Kids Unite, to help students in military families cope with deployments, relocations and other stresses of being in a military family. Their first meeting, which included “pizza, drinks, and fun,” was held last week.

Connor Carr is the president of the new club. He started MKU at another local middle school the previous year. “This year, with the help of Mrs. Pieper [a Correia teacher] and Mrs. Williamson, our Navy School Liaison Officer, we are bringing this club to Correia for the first time,” Connor says.

Yesterday I wrote about Tamarah Frank, a ninth grader with a desire to use her experiences as a military child to serve others. Connor Carr is another good example of children stepping up to help themselves and point the way to how the needs of military families can be met.

Tamarah Serves Too

2010-10-23T06:43:00.000-07:00

Kids serve too. Just ask Tamarah Frank, a ninth grader in River Falls, Minnesota. Tamarah’s father, Duane, is in the National Guard. Since before Tamarah can remember, he had been taking one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer to train, but during the Kosovo mission in 2003-04, he started being gone more. Then in August 2005, Duane left to spend almost two years, in Iraq.

Remembering how it felt to have her father gone so long in such a dangerous situation, Tamarah decided to use those feelings to help others as her Silver Award project, the second highest honor for a Girl Scout. Her 35-page activity booklet, entitled “Military Kids Count,” contains coloring pages, word games, and jokes to send to soldiers. It also includes community information about ways to be supportive of military families. Also part of the booklet are a map page to keep track of the parent’s deployment, and pages for journaling.

“I know I have skills a lot of kids do not possess because my dad was away so often, but on the other I wonder what it is like to be a kid who has no worries,” Tamarah says. “I found many things to help me with these feelings that I would like to share with other military kids.”

The booklet met Tamarah’s goal for the silver award, but she intends to continue distributing as long as she can pay for the expenses. Her local chapter of the VFW has helped with printing costs to this point. “I hope to continue my work with military kids in some way to earn my Gold Award,” Tamara says, “because it is something I truly get excited about doing.”

The photo shows Redwood Falls Mayor Gary Revier giving Tamarah a certificate of appreciation from the City Council for her work. Here's a link to an article about her.